


Let Me Love the Lonely

by banesarchangel



Category: Shadowhunters (TV), malec - Fandom
Genre: Alternate Universe - Reality Show, Angst, Babysitting, But not explicit, Eventual Smut, Flirting, Honeymoon, M/M, Marriage, Meeting the Family, Mention of Death, Mention of abuse, Panic Attacks, but they are strangers, eventual love, idk how this got so angsty im so sorry, media
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-04-27
Updated: 2019-12-03
Packaged: 2020-02-07 07:01:38
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 31,141
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18615541
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/banesarchangel/pseuds/banesarchangel
Summary: Today was like any other day, it was a sunny afternoon in downtown Manhattan, the bustle of people all around him, traffic at a standstill. Except, there was one thing different about this Saturday afternoon in particular. Magnus was getting married. Yup. Married. To a complete stranger.





	1. Chapter 1

 

 

Today was like any other day, it was a sunny afternoon in downtown Manhattan, the bustle of people all around him, traffic at a standstill. Except, there was one thing different about this Saturday afternoon in particular. Magnus was getting married. Yup. Married. To a complete stranger.  

How’d he get here you ask? Well, it all started with a drunken night that’s come around to bite him in the ass; as if the hangover wasn’t bad enough.

 

_Shot after shot, he had started to lose count after number 4 or whatever number he thought he was at. Honestly, everything looked a bit blurry and sometimes there was two of Maia, who was currently talking to him, but it sounded muffled like he was wearing headphones. Was he wearing headphones? He checked. All clear._

_“Hey, you know what you should do.” Maia started. She always seemed to handle her liquor better than him. What was her secret? Why did her words always come out normal and not slurred?_

_Magnus raised his empty shot glasses “Have another.”_

_Maia rolled her eyes. That he saw. “No, if anything I think you should be cut off.”_

_“Such a spoilsport.”_

_“Whatever.” She sat next to him before continuing. “You should go out there and find someone for the night, or better yet maybe you’ll find the love of your life.”_

_“Love? Yeah, no. Gave up on that years ago. I’ll pass. If I wanted a one-night stand, that’s what Tinder is for.” Magnus sighed looking for the bartender._

_“Exactly my point, I haven’t seen you with anyone in a long time.” She paused her eyes casting him a worried look. “I just don’t want you to be lonely.”_

_“I have you girls.” Magnus gestured to her and Clary, who was next to Maia._

_“You know what I mean.” Maia sighed._

_Why was she so persistent? It’s not like being single was a bad thing. He didn’t have to worry about anyone else. He got to do what he wanted and live his life without the anchors of love at his feet. People were draining._

_Sure, waking up to someone every morning would be nice, and going on holidays and maybe eventually having a family, but he could do most of that himself. He’d be fine. Wouldn’t he?_

_“Hey,” Clary yelled enthusiastically. “You should go on that show, you know the one where they marry strangers or something.” Magnus was drunk, but he wasn’t that drunk. There was no way he’d ever do that. He couldn’t help but laugh at the outrageous idea._

_“You’ve seen the show, right? Nearly all the couples hate each other by week 1.” Magnus replied._

_“Yes, but not all. There have been some successes.” Some didn’t justify Magnus doing this. Nothing would. No way he’d put himself out there like that ready for his heart to be crushed on live television. Too many people would invade his life, want to know everything. He’s fine with his life as it is now. Simple, uncomplicated, and single._

_“C’mon! Do it! It would be so cool to watch.” Clary continued pestering him._

_“You never know, you could find someone you really end up caring about,” Maia added._

_Great. These two once they got an idea in their head there was no backing down._

_“And what if I get an A-grade bitch who makes my life hell, or an asshole who thinks he’s better than everyone,” Magnus added, trying to get their silly brains to see sense._

_“But what if you get a sweetheart who is there for the right reasons? What if they try to make you the happiest man alive? What if they fall in love with you and love you unconditionally?” Clary was almost practically swooning at her idea the dream she had concocted in her brain._

_“Those are all what if’s biscuit, and I don’t want to risk my heart on a what if,” Magnus said with finality in his voice._

_“But-”_

_“Look, nothing is going to change my mind, I’m sorry.” Finally, the bartender came and served up more shots._

Turns out those shots had stronger will power than the girls and managed to change his mind. Or maybe it was to do with a dare, all he remembers was somewhere between the club and bed he filled out some form and recorded some video. To be frank he was concerned why they even chose him considering he was drunk at the time. Probably thought he’d make good tv and be a disaster and honestly, they wouldn’t be wrong about the disaster part. This indeed was going to be a disaster.

Why he didn’t decline the offer he didn’t know, but here he was about to walk down the aisle and find god knows who standing at the other end. All he hoped was that they were somewhat sane, and with this show, you would never know.

The man at the other end of the aisle came into view as he turned the corner. He was in a clean-cut black suit with a black bowtie. He was tall, taller than himself. He was smiling, which actually helped ease the nerves swarming in the pit of his stomach.

As he came closer the man's face came into view and ‘wow’ was the only coherent thought he had. He was stunning. His smile, beautiful. His eyes, he’d never seen a color like it. If he wasn’t careful he’d end up staring at them all day. There was an aura around him that felt calming in this-what he would call chaotic situation. At first glance, this man didn’t seem so bad.

“Hi,” He found himself saying as he reached the altar.

“Hi,” The other man smiled back his voice a little out of breath. It was nice to know he wasn’t the only one who was nervous.

Magnus’ focus darted to the man’s lips where he was biting at them slightly before looking back at his eyes. Those beautiful eyes.

“Nice to meet you,” He laughs, and Magnus is annoyed at the flutter it causes in his heart. “I’m Alec.”

That brought him back down to earth. He doesn’t know this man. “Hi, Alec. I’m Magnus.” He smiled back.

* * *

 

 

 

To say he was nervous was an understatement. He was freaking out on the inside. The most gorgeous man he’d ever laid eyes on was standing in front of him about to say I do. He was wearing a wine-red velvet suit with black pants and a bowtie, he looked incredible. The only negative about this whole thing was that he didn’t know the man. He was marrying a stranger.

He was pretty sure his hands were clammy, and he was about to break out in a sweat, but no one seemed to be noticing his meltdown, so he was fine.

He’d be lying if he said the thought of not showing up didn’t run through his head 20 times already today. The idea of walking into the unknown scared Alec more than he liked to let on. This was huge for him. He tells people Izzy talked him into it, but really deep down he came here looking for love, he’s put himself last for so many years constantly working and never taking a breath. He wants the chance to find his person, and maybe Magnus is his person.

His nerves increased when it came to vows. He’d spent a lot of time on them wanting them to sound genuine and sincere, and still, now he’s second guessing if they’re good enough. Swallowing the large lump in his throat he took a deep breath and said, “Today feels strange, and I assume that’s for the both of us.” Magnus laughs softly as he nods back. “But this is our experience together and it is what we make it. I know it might be hard or challenging at first, but I promise to try my best and give this my all. Give you my all.” Alec paused briefly looking Magnus in the eye. “I can’t wait to learn everything about you and begin this journey with you. Here’s to making new memories, starting with today.” 

 

 

* * *

 

Magnus was smiling, this whole day doing a great job at giving him a false sense of security, like this idea actually wouldn’t be so bad. He didn’t like it, but it was hard to focus on his negative thoughts when Alec was across from him saying his vows sounding the sincerest he’s ever heard, anyone. A lash of guilt hit his heart as he realised Alec was here for the right reasons. He wanted this, love, a relationship, a partner. Magnus was only here because of a stupid drunken dare he couldn’t say no to. It was too late to turn back now. It was only 8 weeks, he could get through that.

Reaching into his jacket pocket he searched for the tiny piece of paper he scribbled his vows down on this morning, or actually, it was on the way here, but no one needed to know that. Gods, he couldn’t find it. This was embarrassing. Not having had memorised a single word he wrote he stopped searching and decided to just wing it. He was good at faking stuff, surely, he could come up with a few nice words. “Alec,” his name, such a good start. Except his mind was blank; he blamed his nerves.

Finally starting to feel all the eyes in the room fall on him he could feel the panic rise in his chest. He looked like an idiot.

A soft brush against his fingers, he found Alec’s smile while he held his hand. “Hey,” God his voice was so unbelievably light and delicate. It was only for both of them to hear. “This is terrifying, and I’m right there with you, just take a breath and say what you want. It’s okay.” He already found that smile charming. The way one side tilted higher than the other, it wasn’t helping his plan where he doesn’t feel anything for this man.

“Right, well I can’t say I ever thought I’d be marrying a stranger.” Everyone laughed. “But here I am. I have no idea where this will go or what it will be like, all I can say is that I look forward to getting to know the person you are inside and out and hopefully find something special out of this.” He was surprised to realise deep down he was telling the truth, as much as he didn’t want to do this, Alec seemed like a nice person who deserved his best. Whatever his best was.

They both looked at each other for another second, both taking in the moment. One of them excited for what’s to come and one of them terrified they were already going to hurt the other. Magnus being the latter

“I now pronounce you husband, and husband.” Those words hit him hard, the breath being knocked out of him. He had a husband.

The whole idea of a kiss surpassed him as his mind was still reeling from what he had just done, he didn’t realise what was happening until he saw Alec’s face coming for his. Magnus on reflex started to back away but Alec only kissed him on the cheek like the gentleman he was.

The ceremony was over which seemed like the easiest part of all of this, they just followed what someone was telling them to say. Now, now was the hard part. The part where effort begins.

“So,” Alec looks like how Magnus feels, uncomfortable.

“So,” Magnus says back mocking Alec’s tone.

“What now?” Alec said, unsure.

“This really isn’t going to sink in for a few days,” Magnus said looking around at the room that was slowly emptying out.

“Yeah, it feels a bit surreal, like it didn’t actually just happen. Except it did. We are married.” Alec laughs, and Magnus isn’t sure if it's his real laugh or something to fill the silence when he’s nervous.

“I know we have photos soon but do you wanna maybe walk around the garden outside? This whole thing is overwhelming, and I could use the fresh air.” Magnus asks.

“That sounds great, lead the way.” Alec sends him his best smile or what he knows is his best smile so far and follows him out. “So, I guess we should start with the basics, family, location, job, etc.”

“Okay, Brooklyn, New York. No biological family but many friends who I consider family.” Magnus had to force his eyes not to roll when he saw the same look on Alec’s face that he always got. “I was 3 when they died. Car accident. I don’t like to talk about it.” Magnus was being blunt, but it was to the point and didn’t make things drawn out more than they needed to. He didn’t need to be reminded that he grew up in the foster care system, that he was bullied at school for having no parents, that it took him years to find people he could trust and know they wouldn’t leave him. Because that’s the reality these days, most people leave.

“Magnus,”

“Job, I’m the manager at a café, Bean & Co, I don’t know if you’ve heard of it. And yeah that’s everything.” He was so used to people judging him for his life he just wanted to move past this as fast as possible.

 

* * *

 

 

Alec was taken by surprise by Magnus’ sudden coldness. He wanted to get to know Magnus but if this was the way he reacted to a simple question he knew his walls were firmly in place and he would have a hard time trying to find the real Magnus. Not wanting to let this ruin the day he simply tried to brush past it and focus on answering the question for himself. “Right, well I’m the oldest of three siblings. My brother Jace and sister Izzy, my parents are divorced, I don’t have many friends, but I only need a few who keep me going. I recently moved from Manhattan to Brooklyn not too long ago, so I guess that’s good right.” He let an awkward laugh escape him. “I’m in between jobs as I just left my parents firm. It was like working in a toxic environment and I needed a change.”

“Do you know what you want to go into?” Magnus asks.

“You know my whole life I thought I had to do what my parents wanted. So, I never pursued what I really wanted to. It may sound stupid, but I’m thinking about going back to study for a while.” Alec remembers vividly the night he told his parents the same thing. His father was worse than his mother, saying he was going backward. But sometimes you have to go back so you can go forward. The last thing he wanted was for Magnus to have the same reaction his parents had.

“What is it that you’re going back to study?”

Alec took this as a good sign. “I’ve always wanted to be a doctor, ever since I was little, I just never told anyone.”

“How can your parents not want you to be a doctor? Isn’t that what most parents dream of?” Magnus asked looking bewildered.

“I guess they always wanted me to carry on the firm. You know the family business and what not.”

Magnus nodded back before looking at the ground. “Good thing I never had that I guess. No added pressures in life.” He laughed but it wasn’t out of humour. Why couldn’t he say anything right?

“Magnus, I’m sorry I didn’t mean—God I’m so bad at this.” Alec shook his head pinching his nose.

“Trust me, it’s not you, you’re great.” Magnus smiled back which was honestly leaving Alec all sorts of confused.

“There you are!” Someone yelled from behind them startling them both. It wasn’t anyone Alec knew. “The photographer is looking for you both.” She looked at him. “Hey, I’m Maia. Magnus’ best friend.”

“Oh, hey. Nice to meet you hopefully we can talk later.” Alec greeted her.

“Yes, we better not keep that photographer waiting.” Magnus reached for his hand, Alec accepted. Alec could feel Magnus’ pulse beneath his skin, he could feel tightness in his muscles which gave Alec a sick feeling in his gut. Magnus clearly wasn’t feeling comfortable. He had no idea how the photos would go.

 

* * *

 

They’d just arrived back from the most awkward time of his life. He couldn’t wait to see how tragic their wedding photos looked. He and Alec hadn’t spoken since they left the photographer in the garden. Magnus could feel himself ruining everything and he could see how it was affecting Alec, but it was his default now. Never let anyone too close. Keep them at arm’s length.

After taking one step inside the building Maia was already pulling him away. “What?” He asked wishing he could find the closest bar.

“I need a word with you.”

“Well, I already assumed that considering you pulled me away from my husband.”

“That’s what I want to talk about.”

“Oh.”

“I know you, and I saw how awkward it was out there before I got you. I just wanna make sure you aren’t sabotaging this. I’ve been talking to a few of Alec’s friends and he sounds like a great guy. Just please give it a go.”

Magnus sighed. “I promise I’ll give this my best shot.”

“Gee, you wanna add a bit more enthusiasm in that?”

“What do you want me to do? Jump on the guy and declare my love for him? I only just met him a few hours ago.” Maia rolled her eyes.

“I can’t stand you sometimes.”

Magnus put on his best smile. “You love me.”

“Unfortunately.”

Alec appeared at their side which startled Magnus. He didn’t hear anything, did he? Fuck.

“Hey,” He was smiling so clearly not? “I don’t mean to break this up it’s just the camera crew wants Magnus and I to do an interview.” Oh great. Taking a deep breath, he put on his best smile and pretended everything was fine.

……

 

The night flew by quickly and after meeting all of Alec’s friends and family with the added help of alcohol he didn’t feel so bad. Dare he say, he even had some fun with Alec, joking back and forth, teaching Alec and his god awful two left feet to dance. Now they were making their way back to their hotel room for the night, before they headed off on their honeymoon in the morning.

Falling dramatically down on to their bed, Magnus sighed a breath of relief as the camera crew didn’t follow them inside. It was going to take a lot to get used to that.

“Well, that didn’t go as bad as I first expected,” Magnus said sitting up.

Alec turned to him. “You thought it would go bad?”

“You didn’t? I mean think about it. We hadn’t met, it could’ve gone way worse than it did.”

“I mean if you go into it with that attitude sure, it’s most likely going to end badly.” Magnus could sense some hostility from Alec. With alcohol in his system, his filter had gone out the window and he wasn’t using the right words to describe how he was feeling.

“No, I just mean.” He paused. “Actually, I don’t know what I mean. Just forget it.” All he wanted was the bed.

“No, tell me what you mean, please. If I’m wasting my time here I’d like to know.” Alec’s boldness struck Magnus by surprise, but he kinda liked it. He wasn’t afraid to say what he thinks.

“Alec, I’m sorry, that all came out wrong. I just meant today was scary and could have been a disaster but after we settled in I really enjoyed myself, which if I’m being honest surprised me, okay. This whole thing is terrifying as fuck, but I want to be here.” Magnus tried his best to assure Alec, but he still had that little crease between his eyebrows.

Through the night, he had noticed whenever Alec was confused or concerned his eyebrows would furrow together. Maybe he spent too much time looking at his eyebrows? Magnus walked towards him. “Surely you’re scared too?”

Alec’s features softened making the tension in the room dissipate. “More than anything, but I want us to do this together not apart.” Alec paused briefly. “Can we, starting from tomorrow, promise to talk to each other if we are feeling scared or if something is bothering us?”

Magnus smiled. He really got a sweetheart who was here for the right reasons, like Maia said. “Sounds good to me.” Alec smiled back. “Now, let’s get ready for bed. I’m exhausted.”

Alec instantly became uncomfortable again. “About that, um I can sleep on the couch if you want?”

“No way don’t be silly, it’s just a bed. Besides I’d feel awful knowing you were sleeping on a couch that couldn’t even fit half of you.”

“Are you sure?”

“Positive.”  


	2. Chapter 2

Alec woke with a jolt. It was unfamiliar for him to wake with someone next to him. Magnus was still sleeping soundly his soft snore filling the silence.

It still hadn’t sunk in that the man lying next to him was his husband, and he didn’t think it would for quite a while. Plus, to add to the strangeness of this all there was a camera crew most likely ready and waiting on the other side of the door.

They would have their questions, wanting to know if anything happened, whether they shared a bed or had sex, or whether one took the couch. And if they were looking for anything good they weren’t gonna get it, he was pretty sure they didn’t even accidentally brush legs during the night. Magnus was practically glued to his side.

Alec must have fallen asleep before Magnus last night as now his face was void of any makeup, and he stole a couple of moments to admire how soft his features were under the warm glow of the sun peeking through the gap in the curtain, but eventually he pulled himself from the warmth of their bed and made his way to the door to see if the camera crew were waiting, they were.

He was greeted by Sebastian one of the new producers on the show this year. “Morning, Alec. Sleep well?” He seemed nice, friendly.

“Yeah, it wasn’t bad,” Alec replied turning around and leaving the door open for them to follow him in.

He kind of wished Magnus had woken up before they got here, waking up to cameras being blasted in your face couldn’t be nice.

“So, how are you feeling after last night?” Someone next to Sebastian asked, his assistant?

“Everything is still a bit hard to get used to but I’m feeling optimistic.”

“I see the couch isn’t made up.” Sebastian began, and Alec had to force his eyes not to roll. “Did anything happen last night?” There it was.

Even if he and Magnus were having love at first sight moment he wouldn’t have slept with him on the first night.

“Nope, just talking and sleeping. I think after yesterday we were both exhausted.” Alec really hoped there weren’t many other questions, they had a flight to catch.

“Right, of course,” Sebastian replied. “So, no first kiss?”

Alec shook his head, and thankfully Sebastian looked done with questions for now.

Taking advantage of the silence he slipped into the bathroom and had a quick shower before going back out and trying to wake Magnus, how was he not up yet?

“Magnus,” He started quietly. “Magnus, we have to catch our flight.”

A low grumble surfaced from where Magnus’ head was curved into the pillow.

“We have to leave in 20 minutes.”

“Leave for what?”

“You know, our honeymoon,” Alec sighed. “We are going to the Maldives.”

“Just 5 more minutes,” Alec took a deep breath. Magnus, clearly not a morning person, Alec mentally noted that down for later.

Startled, Alec jumped back in surprise as Magnus sat upright.

Confused, Alec squinted his eyes. “Are you okay?”

“Huh? Yeah. Sorry, I just forgot where I was for a second. This wasn’t all just a crazy nightmare?” Magnus asked looking more out of place than he had ever seen him in the last 24 hours.

“Nightmare?” Alec was beginning to believe Magnus didn’t actually want to be here.

“Wait, no that’s not what I meant.” Magnus sighed shuffling to the edge of the bed. “I guess I’m just taking some time to get used to this.”

Alec got that, by all means, was he anything but settled in this environment, but the way Magnus was acting wasn’t helping the fact.

“Me and you both,” He shot back, deciding to let it go, for now, they had a flight to catch.

“Right,” Magnus replied. “Do I have time for a quick shower.”

Alec checked the time. “Yeah, but be quick. Do you mind if I pack your stuff while you’re in there?”

“No, go right ahead.” Magnus stood and smiled at the camera crew. “Hey, Seb.” Seb?

“Morning, Magnus,” Alec tried not to let it get to him that Magnus seemed to be closer to the camera crew than himself.

 

* * *

 

Not a word was spoken between them on the way to the airport, Alec barely even looked at him.

Magnus could do nothing right it seemed, always managing to say the wrong thing. Part of him wished he was like Alec, who knew this was what he wanted, but he wasn’t like Alec, instead, he was a mess, a nasty knot of confusion taking heavy steps never knowing where his life was taking him. Never finding the answers he wanted.

He’d finally admitted it to himself in the shower that deep down he wanted to be here, he wanted the chance to find love and share that bond with someone special. To be the person someone leans on and loves with everything they have, but throughout his life, he’s always felt something holding him back.

The fear of rejection. It’s held him hostage for years now. No relationship lasting more than a few months. He knew to do this show he’d have to push through that. But, was Alec worth it? Is he worth the fight? He didn’t know yet.

The silence between them was starting to become unbearable as they sat down in their seats on the plane. It was nice to see the show had sprung for first class seats, at least they could argue in private or well, as private as one couple could be with a bunch of camera crew following them.

Sighing, Magnus turned to Alec and said. “Are you okay?”

“I’m fine,” Alec replied.

“I’m fine,” Magnus mocked back with sarcasm in his tone, and instantly regretted it as it seemed to only make things worse. “You’re clearly not,” Magnus said dodging the scathing look Alec sent his way.

“Wouldn’t want to make this any more of a nightmare for you,” There it was. He was annoyed about the small comment.

“Are you serious?” Magnus asked already feeling drained from where this conversation looked like it was headed.

“Were you?” Alec asked back, his voice sharp but his eyes betrayed him showing the vulnerability beneath.

Instantly Magnus stopped. The frustration he was feeling before calmed and vanished. He wasn’t the only one scared.

“I don’t know,” Magnus answered honestly.

“What do you mean, you don’t know? You either want to be here or you don’t.” Alec fired back.

Skin pinching under his fingers Magnus tried to find the right words. “I don’t know what I want, Alec.” He sighed turning in to face him. “My whole life I’ve feared being abandoned that I’ve only let so many people get close enough to know the real me. I tend to push people away before they have the chance to do it to me.” Alec’s brows were furrowed now like he was listening intently. “This,” Magnus gestured to the cameras. “You,” He smiled flatly. “Is all so far out of my comfort zone that it’s hard not to follow my default but I’m trying to change that.”

Alec looked to be thinking about what he said. Magnus was dreading the worst to come out of his mouth. He was ready for Alec to tell him it was off and that there’s no point doing this experiment with someone who isn’t open to love.

If he were being honest, he wasn’t even sure if he could love.

“Can I ask you one question?” Alec asked his voice back to normal.

“Of course,” Magnus smiled.

“Do you as of right now feel anything for me? Is there even a chance?” There was something in Alec’s voice that sent chills over his arms. Or maybe he just wasn’t used to hearing someone willing to fight for him.

Alec wanted him to stay.

“Yes,” Magnus replied and felt embarrassed out how his voice came out breathless like someone had knocked the wind out him.

“Okay,” Alec smiled back, and it was real. “That’s all I need to know for now.”

* * *

 

Turbulence shook the plane and Alec awake the flash of panic soon dissipating as the plane settled again. He was fine with flying, really, he was, he just didn’t like this part.

To the right of him he could feel a slight tickle along his neck, he almost pulled away but stopped when he discovered it was from Magnus’ hair. Magnus had nestled his head against his shoulder and looked to be sleeping soundly.

It was only something small, but since their conversation earlier it felt all the more important.

Alec didn’t want to wake him, he looked so peaceful, but the pilots' voice soon came over the speakers announcing their arrival into the Maldives, and after 18 hours of traveling he was about ready to sprint off this plane.

Fighting the urge to comb his fingers through Magnus’ hair he leaned down instead and said, “We are here.” He was surprised to see Magnus’ eyes were already open. Alec felt a rush of a panic surge through him and a blush heat his face. He’d been staring at Magnus this whole time how did he not know he was awake?  

Magnus sat up. “Finally, I feel like we’ve been on this plane for days.” Alec already missed the warmth from where Magnus had been resting his head. “I can’t wait to get to the resort and just pass out for a day.”

“You reckon you could sleep for that long?” Alec laughed.

Magnus turned to him. “I reckon I could try,”

The plane started to descend and instead of reaching for the armrest between them Magnus reached for his hand, but it was an accident as Magnus flinched back as soon as he realised he’d found it wasn’t what he was looking for.

The last time and only time he held Magnus’ hand was at their wedding when Magnus looked like he was about to be sick before his vows. He remembers Magnus calming down from the touch, or did he just imagine it?

He was happy Magnus had started to open up, even just a little bit as it gave Alec at least something to work with.

“Sorry,” Magnus apologised quickly.

“Don’t be,” Alec smiled and reached back over linking their hands.

Magnus smiled and looked away but didn’t let go. Not until they were out of the airport.

It didn’t take long for them to reach their resort and find their room, he was tired, but he was also ravishing and was dying for something to eat.

“Do you want to order something small before we sleep?” Alec asked wheeling the last suitcase into their room.

“I don’t know if I could eat, I’m exhausted,” Magnus replied sitting on their bed starting to take off his shoes.

“Are you sure?” Alec queried. “You haven’t eaten since our last stopover.”

“I’ll be fine,” But his stomach didn’t seem to agree, the low grumble filling the silence.

Alec laughed. “Something doesn’t agree,”

Magnus sighed out of defeat but was still smiling “Fine, but where is my suitcase, I need to change out of these clothes before I die of heat.”

Alec rolled him his suitcase, but only it wasn’t his. “Shit, Magnus-“

Magnus cut him off pulling out a t-shirt. “This looks comfy,” It was his t-shirt from his football college team, Lightwood was printed on the bottom. “And like it’s full of stories.” Alec’s heart was thumping, how much of idiot did he have to be to give him his suitcase instead. His lack of sleep was showing.

All Alec could do was awkwardly chuckle back, “Yeah, maybe I could tell you a bit about it sometime,”

Magnus popped his head out from behind Alec’s t-shirt, “I’d like that,” He smiled. “I’ve never been with a football player before.”

Alec brushed it off. “It was nothing serious, just a hobby to pass the time.”

“I bet you’re being modest, and you were actually amazing.” Alec shrugged. Magnus added, “Could I wear this?”

Alec wasn’t expecting that. “If you don’t mind?” Magnus quickly added.

“Ah yeah sure, go ahead.” Why was the thought of Magnus wearing his clothes doing strange things to his stomach? Was this normal?

Magnus gracefully pulled himself off the bed and walked to the bathroom disappearing inside leaving Alec alone to collect himself and find something to eat on the menu.

* * *

 

Sauntering into the bathroom Magnus pulled off his clothes to his boxers and threw on Alec’s tee. It was bigger around his arms than he thought and just a bit too long lengthways but other than that it fits well.

God knows what possessed him to ask Alec to wear his clothing: he blamed the mere exhaustion of flying for so many hours. It took away any and all reservations he had earlier in the day.

Washing his face and cleaning his teeth he washed all the gel out of his hair letting it fall to the side covering some of his forehead before making his way back out to the bedroom.

He’d noticed Alec had changed as well. He was now sporting a loose grey tee and black boxers. Considering they were both about to sleep it seemed fine and it’s not like Alec’s legs were anything bad to look at.

Sitting down on the bed Magnus watched Alec while he was reading the information booklet intently not noticing him renter the room. “Riveting stuff?”

“Oh, hey. Actually, yeah, I was just seeing what we could do while we are here. What do you think about snorkeling? Or there are some trails we could do if we are feeling adventurous.” Magnus was too tired to think about any of that.

“I’m fine with anything you want to do, Alec.”

Alec sighed. “That’s not how this works, what if everything we do you hate?”

“I’m sure I won’t. You seem to have good taste.” Magnus replied.

“I like you, so I must.”

Magnus felt himself blush, and he does not blush. Ever. “I wouldn’t be so sure.”

Alec squinted his eyes “Why do you put yourself down like that?”

“You don’t know me, Alec. My past, it isn’t pretty.”

“You’re doing it again.” Alec stands up going to leave to the room.

“Doing what?”

“Pushing me away. I told you I like you and you tried giving me reasons not to.”

He’d never had this before. Someone who’s not afraid to call him out when he’s doing something wrong. Self-sabotage. “Sorry, I didn’t realise I was doing that I guess it’s just an impulse reaction.”

“It’s okay, just know that your past is in the past. Let it stay there. For now, all I care about is the present.” Alec smiled softly.

Magnus smiled back and nodded before changing the subject. “What did you order?” He asked pointing to the menu.

“Just a fruit platter.”

“Perfect.” Magnus paused before continuing. “Oh, and Alec.”

“Yeah?”

“Snorkelling sounds great.”

“I’ll book it in the morning.”

Seen as they had to wait for their food to arrive Magnus decided to look around their suite.

The bedroom led out to the dining/kitchen area and to his left was massive glass doors overlooking the ocean. The view was breath-taking.

Just up a little further there was the pool inside that was leading outside on to the deck. Their surroundings were all very romantic and intimate it would be hard not to fall into the trap of playing make-believe.

“This place, it’s pretty nice right,” Alec said coming up beside him.

“You could say that, but it would be an understatement. I’ve never seen a place so beautiful.” He could stand here all day and just get lost in the scenery. He always found something so calming about having the ocean at his feet with the sound of waves crashing in the background.

Walking around the side of the pool Magnus dipped his foot in testing the water before flicking some up with his foot at Alec. “Sorry,” He laughed.

“You’re totally not, you meant to do that.” Alec laughed back.

“Maybe, maybe not.” Magnus shrugged back but his smile probably gave him away.

The moment soon ended when Alec went to answer the door and brought back the fruit platter he had ordered. It had his mouth watering. The fruit, not Alec, but maybe one day.

It didn’t take them long to devour it all, they both were hungrier than they first thought.

Alec was out to it the second his head hit the pillow, but it was taking Magnus longer to fall asleep.

Normally by now in a relationship, he would already be thinking of reasons to leave, but with Alec, it was the opposite. Alec Lightwood was giving him reasons to stay.

 

 

 


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If any of you wanna live tweet if that's what you like to do you can use the hashtag #LMLTL 
> 
> Would be cool to see some of your reactions and stuff

When Alec suggested snorkeling last night he thought he would be fine. He’d thought the fear of water long gone. Relying on the open air and sea breeze to calm him wasn’t working. Not in this environment where he was so far out of control. Where one small accident would have him right back there – the memory he’s tried so hard to erase from his mind resurfacing.

Shaking the fear from his head he turned to Alec a worrying crease forming down the middle of his eyebrows. “I’m fine,” he wasn’t.  He was far from it.

The increasing speed of his heart, the air in his lungs, or little that there was betraying him and tightening around his chest. He couldn’t let Alec know the real reason. Not here, not with the cameras. It was too much.

Forcing himself to think of an excuse as to why he was such a wreck wasn’t easy, especially with Alec looking at him with such deep concern, it only made him want to ask to take them back to the land where his memories didn’t haunt him on the sand.

Alec placed a tentative hand on his shoulder. “If you don’t want to do this, we don’t have to.” Alec’s voice was gentle like a calming wind amongst the crashing waves.

“I want to do this,” He did. He just needed a few deep breaths. “It’s just,” Magnus’ brain searched for an excuse, quickly finding one. He turned to their tour guide. “You’re sure there are no sharks here?” This seemed like something someone would genuinely be terrified of, so he ran with it.

“Not usually.”

“Wait,” was this backfiring on him? “What do you mean not usually?”

The guide laughed but Magnus failed to see the humor in it. “There’s nothing to worry about.”

“I’m right here next to you,” Alec comforted.

 “And that’s supposed reassure me how?” _Stop being an asshole_ he scolded himself.

Fear brought the worst out in him, always had ever since he was little. He’d snap and argue taking it out on other people. In this case, Alec, who in no case deserved it. 

Hurt flashed across his features and Magnus didn’t like that, hurting him was the last thing he wanted to do especially when all he was trying to do was be there for him which Magnus very much appreciated he just couldn’t find the words right now, not with all the fog in his brain.

“I’m sorry,” Magnus sighed suddenly feeling very drained. This whole ordeal really taking it out of him. “You go ahead.” He said to Alec not wanting to ruin this experience for him more than he already had.

As Alec stepped forward something took over Magnus and he reached out his hand to stop Alec, taking them both by surprise.

Magnus waited for Alec to look up, and when he did he took one last deep breath soothing his heart as best he could. He wanted to do this with Alec. “Don’t let go,” It was meant to come across as a question, but his voice betrayed him making it sound more like a plea.

Alec pulled himself from Magnus’ grasp, and he felt his heart drop. Until Alec caught it by linking their fingers together and smiling at him with all the reassurance Magnus needed to know he was here with him. “Not letting go.”

He did something that didn’t come easy to him. He put his trust in Alec and followed him into the blue sea churning beneath them.

 

* * *

 

Magnus’ hand was still firmly in his and judging by how tight his grasp was he wasn’t planning on letting go anytime soon.

Alec didn’t mind, he could sense there was something deeper going on, something that Magnus struggled with but wasn’t ready to disclose. And until he was Alec would try to be the support he needed.

If anything, Alec was proud of Magnus. This showed him just how strong he is. To overcome fear and push through it takes an immense amount of strength which isn’t to be taken lightly. Alec admired his courage to take that step with him off the boat.

The minute they were submerged in water Magnus went tense, but Alec just held him tighter. “We’re okay,” he was quiet with his voice, so his comforting words were only for Magnus to hear and no one else.

A protective instinct came over him when he was in the water always checking if Magnus was okay, and that if he wanted to get back up on the boat they could at any time, but eventually Magnus relaxed and started to enjoy his time.

But Alec couldn’t help but wonder what made him so fearful of water, what made him see such terror in those beautiful rich eyes of his that sometimes he found himself getting lost in.

“Do you wanna go under?” Alec asked.

“Yes?” Magnus answered back unsure.

“Hold your breath and don’t let go of my hand.” Magnus nodded back in assurance he would be okay, but Alec hesitated thinking maybe he would push Magnus too far, “You sure?” He asked.

“Yeah,” Magnus replied squeezing Alec’s fingers gently.

“Okay, ready?” He asked and in return, Magnus nodded. “On 3,”

And just like that, they were under the water swimming deeper, hand in hand. You could see all the colorful vibrant creatures under here better. It was like living in a completely different world and it was crazy to think such magnificent animals were only a short boat ride away.

Alec swam in front of Magnus to face him, making sure their hands were still together. He found his eyes through the insanely large goggles, somehow Magnus still looked good. Alec lifted his free hand to brush back a piece of Magnus’ hair from his eyes. Hoping Magnus could read the question in his eyes.

Magnus nodded back, he was okay but gestured to his mouthpiece. He needed to go back up for air and so did Alec. So up they went breaking the surface their deep breaths filling the air.

“I’m glad I did this,” Magnus spoke breathlessly.

Alec was happy Magnus did this too, his heart hadn’t stopped pacing the whole time. From this point on it felt like something was changing between them, something Alec liked.

They spent another hour out there just getting amongst the clear waters, watching fish swim between their legs, pointing out all the Nemo’s and Dory’s. Floating next to each other, the odd time their legs brushing up against the others and both of them apologizing profusely like they were a couple of shy teenage boys.

When it was time to get out it was too soon, he could’ve spent all day out there with Magnus. But he was already starting to dry up like a prune from the water and sun and he was in dire need of a glass of water.

Walking up the beach Alec turned to Magnus. “You wanna get something to eat?”

“Please,” Magnus groaned. “I’m starving.”

Alec laughed letting their hands fall together now just on instinct and making their way up the road to the nearest restaurant.

As they continued to walk Alec saw a worrying cloud appear out of nowhere swallowing up the sun as quick as blinking. But not even a few clouds and maybe rain could ruin the day they were having.

As if the sky heard him, a clap of thunder overtook the sky and rain pelted down at a rapid speed. It had everyone around them running for cover including themselves. Tightening his hold on Magnus’ hand they ran while laughing both secretly enjoying the rain.

They managed to find cover under a stores roof along with everyone else who was within 100 metres of the store. Happening to find themselves in a very close position, closer than they’d ever been so far.

Alec’s was turned towards Magnus their faces almost level. His arms out straight barricading Magnus’ face from the people around them.

With only centimetres between them, Alec didn’t take it for granted really exploring the details of Magnus’ face finding everything to like about it. The tiny beauty spot above his eyebrow, his soft eyes, gentle and caring. The dark kohl lining his eyes, bold, making the colors shine like the stars in the night sky. His cheekbones were strong and structured. His jawline was sharp and beautifully crafted. His lips, so very kissable, but they weren’t ready for that yet.

Magnus was staring back at him a smile slowly pulling up on one side before chuckling softly, “I wanted a shower anyway.” Which in turn made Alec laugh.

Here they were surrounded by so many people but that didn’t stop them from laughing loudly being completely submerged in their own little bubble as the rain soon calmed and slowly faded away.

Magnus fell quiet again, his eyes anything but, and it sent a flicker of desire through his heart. “You’re cute when you laugh,” Magnus whispered his hand combing its way through Alec’s hair, still wet from the rain.

Alec felt his stomach swoop and all the blood flush his cheeks. After the days they’d had moments like these meant a tremendous amount to him, it meant that somewhat Magnus was feeling what he was feeling.

All Alec could manage was a shy laugh in return.

“I’ll take that as a thank you,” Magnus smiled back, and Alec found his breath taken from him at the sight. Such beauty within one person, this person who had chosen to go on this journey with him, and after the rocky start, it was starting to all feel worth it if only he got more smiles like that.

“Speaking of thank you.” Magnus continued. “Today in the water, I wouldn’t have been able to get through that without you.”

The eyes really are the window to the soul, and no matter how hard Magnus may try to hide it, Alec sees everything. Like now, he sees the vulnerability, the shame, the embarrassment, all stirring beneath those deep pools of beautiful. Alec’s heart hurts and bleeds for whatever it is that is stuck in there making him think that way about himself. Because the last thing he should feel is ashamed. He should feel proud of himself.

But Alec doesn’t want to push the boundaries, Magnus had let him come this far he didn’t want to push him and make them take 5 steps back. So instead he kisses the back of Magnus’ hand tenderly and says, “That’s what marriage is about right, being there for one another when they need you?”

Magnus is looking back at him like he can’t quite believe what he is hearing. “I’ve never met someone who continues to surprise me as you do.”

“In good ways?” He asks his voice lower and his head inching towards Magnus’.

“In the best way, Alexander.” No one had called him that in a long time, it felt foreign to his ears, but also, he likes the way it sends tingles down his spine and makes the hairs on the back of his neck stand up.

Alec turned his head looking up to the sky and seeing the last of the rain disappear. “Shall we?” he asks.

Magnus nods back and they take their time walking down the street hand in hand. Mostly in their own world but still partly aware of the camera at their side.

…………….

 

Time flew over the next few days, each day filled with something new, a new experience, a new challenge. They were having fun with each other and that’s what mattered most to Alec, it felt like they were forming a friendship before anything else. Getting to know each other as best as possible.

Alec had even started to notice the little things like Magnus hates sandals and refuses to wear them. Or that he takes no sugar in his coffee in the morning but has one at night. Or when he eats fruit he takes all the pips out of the watermelon before eating it.

“You know that seems like such a tedious job just to eat some watermelon.” Alec laughs watching Magnus fumble with the melon.

“Tedious but necessary, Alexander.” Alec smiles adoringly and leaves him to it.

They walk along the beach every morning after breakfast, always hand in hand, it was just what they did now, whenever they were walking somewhere they were linked, their fingers laced together. Alec liked it, the small hints of intimacy between them growing each day.

The views were only half as great as watching Magnus laugh at something he said.

They stopped to help baby sea turtles reach their final destination without the worry of birds trying to eat them.

“They’re so tiny.” Magnus coos. “We should cover them with our arms just in case,” Magnus suggests, and Alec is all for it. Secretly loving the way Magnus takes to nature and the creatures in it. Something they both have in common.

Tonight, was there last night here and Alec had planned something special as a send-off.

Magnus was currently in the pool still relaxing after the walk they went on today. Alec had showered and was finishing off some fresh fruit from the morning.

Making his way to the pool he crouched down and slipped his legs over the edge tangling them in the water, watching Magnus swim over to him.

“So, I have a surprise for you tonight.”

Magnus swam to the ledge beside him stealing the last piece of pineapple from his fingers and eating it quickly humming with delight at how delicious it was. “A surprise you say? Should I be worried?” Magnus replies, sitting up next to Alec.

Alec pouted, he was enjoying that pineapple. “It’s nothing bad, I promise.”

“You should just tell me then.”

“Nope. That defeats the purpose of the surprise.”

“C’mon,” Magnus begged.

“Nope.” Alec didn’t budge.

“It was the pineapple wasn’t? That’s why you won’t tell me?”

Alec laughed. “Totally, never steal a man’s fruit.”

“Noted.” Magnus chuckles back. “But hey,” Magnus lightly knocks his elbow into Alec’s. “That pout was pretty adorable.”

Alec leaned his head back a hearty laugh leaving his mouth. “Give me all the compliments I’m still not telling you the surprise.”

Magnus sighs dramatically. “One can only try.”

Alec stood up wiping his feet on the towel beside him. “Go get dressed we leave in 30,”

Alec had planned a romantic sunset dinner on the beach, asking the chefs at the resort to prepare some of their best meals for them, and judging by the smell that was coming from outside they had done an amazing job.

* * *

 

Magnus felt strange. It wasn’t normal for him to feel giddy, it’d been so long since he had this feeling he had forgotten what it felt like. The little nerves in his stomach like butterflies flying in circles. The quickening thud of his heart every time he remembered Alec genuinely liked him.

Over the last few days, he’d find himself smiling whenever Alec entered a room, the nerves in his body jumping when they would hold hands, the flutter in his heart when he would kiss him on the cheek. He was definitely developing feelings for him.

Magnus looked for his best outfit before exiting the bathroom and finding Alec sitting on the bed waiting. He was dressed in a pair of denim shorts and a green short-sleeved shirt showing off his tanned arms.

“Ready?” Alec asks and Magnus nods back.

He leads him out past the veranda of their suite and onto the beach and Magnus forgets to breathe.

There in front of him was a softly lit candle dinner, the most gorgeous sunset in the background turning the sky pinks, oranges and yellows. The warm breeze tickling the hairs on his arms.

“Alexander,” He says breathlessly. “You planned this?”

“I did,” Alec says a beaming smile on his face. “Although I can’t take credit for the beautiful sunset, that was all mother natures doing.”

Magnus chuckles, he laughs a lot with Alec. “It’s beautiful.”

Alec is looking at Magnus when he says. “Indeed.”

“Shall we?”

“We shall.”

Magnus follows Alec to the table. Alec so kindly pulling out his seat.

Sitting down Alec says, “I’ve really enjoyed our time here, even with all the bumps along the way.”

“I feel like those bumps were mostly my fault and I want to apologize for that. I didn’t come into this with the greatest mindset, but you haven’t given up on me and I really enjoyed spending this time with you.” Magnus apologized trying not to cringe at the way he acted the night of and after the wedding. He was just assuming the worst of the situation not even giving it the chance to turn into something good. It was nice to be pleasantly surprised for once.

“I’m really happy to hear that,” Alec smiled while Magnus admired the way the sun shone on his skin giving him a warm glow.

“You don’t think,” He paused, “It will change when we get back to New York, do you?” Magnus asked hesitantly. This was all nice and perfect, but it wasn’t real.

“I don’t see why it would,” Alec responded looking at him in a questioning manner.

“Here it’s paradise, there it’s jobs, family, routine, what if we hate living with each other?”

“We’ve done okay here.” Alec answers.

“We have, but I just, I like this, us, you.” His heart jumps as he says those words. Admitting to the person you like that you like them was a big step for him.

“I happen to like you too,” Alec chuckles back softly.

“What if we don’t like it back in New York,” He was saying New York but what he meant was what if Alec didn’t like the person Magnus was when they go back. Eventually, everything would come to the surface and he didn’t want to be too much of a burden for Alec to bear.  

“Hey,” Alec reaches across the table for his hand, “Let’s not think about the future, let's just stay in the here and now. Yeah?”

Magnus shakes the doubts from his mind and enjoys what’s in front of him.

The night goes on and they watch the sunset behind them. They enjoy the delicious food, they enjoy the wine, but most importantly they enjoy each other’s company. Sharing funny stories. Talking more about what Alec wants to do and whether he wants to go back to school to be a doctor or do something else. The night as a whole was perfect in Magnus’ eyes, and as far as dates go, this was up there.

“Thank you, for tonight,” He says to Alec as they make their way back up the beach to their room.

“You’re most welcome, but,” Alec has a sneaky smile. “It’s not over yet.”

Magnus stops. “What? What on earth could there possibly be left to do?”

“You’ll see,” He laughs. “For this part though, we have to take a small drive.”

…………….

 

“We are here.” The driver announces.

Alec turns to Magnus. “Okay, so when we get out I’m gonna need you to close your eyes.”

“What?” Magnus wants to laugh.

“It’s fine, I’ll lead you.”

“I- Alec it’s dark. I don’t want to end up down a cliff face.”

Alec steps out of the car and walks around to Magnus’ side opening his door. “Do you trust me?” He says.

Magnus didn’t think Alec meant for it to come across as a loaded question but that was how he took it. He trusted Alec in the water, he could trust him now.

Without much hesitation, he got out of the car and said, “Yes,”

Alec stood behind him and placed his hands over his eyes before speaking. “Okay, so take a step forward and just keep walking straight until I tell you to stop.”

“Oh god,”

“Keep going,”

“Alec, If I die, tell my friends I love them.”

“You have a will made just in case, right?” Alec teased.

Magnus stops in his tracks. “Stop it!” He says but can’t help the small chuckle that escapes him.

“I’m only joking, there’s nothing to worry about,” Alec said placing the most delicate kiss to the top of Magnus’ head he felt himself blush. “You’re safe with me,” Magnus was smiling. “I protected you from those big bad sharks, right?”

“My knight in shining armor you are.”

“See,”

“Okay, fine let’s go.”

“Just a few more steps and then turn left.” Alec started. “Magnus Left, that’s right.”

Magnus had to laugh at himself. “Sorry! I got confused. Let’s just pretend I know my lefts from my rights.” Magnus blamed Alec for making his heart all warm and his brain all fuzzy.

Alec laughed, from his chest, loud and beautiful, and Magnus liked the sound of it very much.

“We are almost there, c’mon.”

Magnus took all other of Alec’s directions well and soon found his feet buried in soft sand squeaking as he walked.

“Alexander, where are we?” He asks curiosity getting the best of him.

Alec slowly peels his hands from his eyes and whispers in his ear. “Open your eyes and see for yourself.”

Magnus opened his eyes and he felt like he was witnessing heaven on earth. He was left speechless his mouth falling agape.

Alec stood beside him taken by the view just as much as he was. “They call it the Sea of Stars,” Stars was right, the blue luminescent dots sparkling in the water all along the shoreline.

“How did you hear about it?” Magnus asks still completely taken by the sea.

“I asked around.”

Magnus turns where he is standing, his feet gliding through the sand. Cupping the side of Alec’s cheek, he smiles up at him, seeing the very stars in Alec’s eyes. “Thank you,”

Alec was looking back and for a second, he thought they were going to kiss, his eyes darting down to his lips and back up again, but Alec looked away unsure leading them down the beach a bit further

Magnus couldn’t explain just how he felt right now, it was strange, and he’d forgotten what it felt like to feel his heart smile. He was happy, and he felt like crying. No one had ever done anything like this for him ever, not during any of his other relationships, no one. But here this man was. Barely known him a week and was pulling out all the stops to make this experience a good one.

“You okay?” Alec asks beside him.

Magnus looks at him. “Perfect even.”

A soft melody from a faraway restaurant was carrying the notes all the way down to them and he felt Alec stop and step closer to him finding his other hand. “Care to dance?”

Magnus chuckles under his breath feeling so completely and utterly taken by this man. “Won’t we look silly all the way down here?” Magnus slides into Alec’s arms like it’s the easiest thing he’s ever done.

“If anyone asks we will just tell them we are on our honeymoon,” Magnus rest his chin above Alec’s shoulder and lets them both sway to the gentle beat. “Which technically,” Alec continues “Isn’t a lie,”

“What are you doing to me Alexander Lightwood?” Magnus says breathlessly.

“Isn’t obvious,” Alec says playfulness in his voice. “I’m trying to woo you.”

“Well, it’s working,” Magnus says, honestly.

He doesn’t see the smile reach Alec’s eyes, but he does feel him pull him closer.

Here, right now there was something growing between them. Something that made his heart tick faster and a spark in his chest. This was something special.

When they reached the resort and made their way to bed, Magnus didn’t want to fight it anymore. He wanted to keep this feeling going. Shuffling closer he lay next to Alec watching his sleepy face.

Alec smiled adorably back at him before opening his arms and beckoning Magnus to come closer. “C’mere,”

Magnus did. He slid perfectly into his arms and had never felt more at ease.

Magnus slept the best he had in days, waking up feeling well rested for their flight back home.

“Morning sleepy head,” Alec says next to him his leg trailing the length of Magnus’ calve which he doesn’t hate

“Mmm sleep,” Magnus yawns turning over.

“Mmm, we have to check out in an hour.”

“Buzzkill,”

Alec laughed. “I’ll go make coffee.”

“Best husband ever,” Magnus murmurs to himself as Alec leaves the room.

 ………………..

 

After a full day of travelling, they landed safely back in New York. The minute they got off the plane and turned their phones on they were bombarded with notification after notification but couldn’t really pay much attention to it until they got through security and back home.

Finding the apartment the show had provided, they soon settled in and unpacked quickly before Magnus took off his shoes and lay on their bed reaching for his phone.

He wished he didn’t.

After the first message, he felt the blood drain from his face. The second, he felt his chest tighten. The third, he started to hyperventilate. The fourth or fifth he didn’t know he lost count his vision started to blur and the room started to spin.

No no no no.

This wasn’t happening. How was this happening? This shouldn’t be happening.

Through his blurry vision, he saw Alec enter the room.

He knew he could tell by his face.

He just found out his husband is a murderer.

“Magnus,” He said carefully. “What is going on?”  


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> added tags. please read them before the chapter in case of triggers. 
> 
>  
> 
> Also if you like to live tweet use the hashtag #LMLTL so I can see your reactions <3

Blurry edges, rapid heartbeat, hands shaking, lungs growing smaller. Everything he didn’t want to be aware of, he was in tune with, struggling to shut it off.

He was faintly aware of Alec still standing in the doorway. He was speaking but Magnus wasn’t hearing. He didn’t want to look at him. Scared of what he might see.

It was when his world started to tilt sideways that Alec came closer that he was able to focus on him and only him, everything else in the background was a fuzzy mess.

Faintly, Alec’s voice though muffled started to penetrate his ears.

He looked worried, concerned, confused and was there a hint of anger He didn’t want to face this. He wanted to find the closest empty room and breathe. Yeah, breathing would be nice.

“Magnus,” Alec says sharply, his voice cutting through him like glass and the white noise subsides a little. “Magnus, breathe,” The human body is literally made to breathe on its own so why couldn’t he quite get it to work properly?

“I’m,” He chokes, “I’m trying.”

“Look at my hand,” Alec says. He does. “Count with me, okay.”

“One,” one Magnus says in his brain watching Alec’s fingers slowly all count up to five. “Okay,” Alec continues. “Now count down with me.” He does. Counting down from five. “Now take a deep breath and hold it for 8 seconds.” It was working. His chest wasn’t on fire anymore.

“That’s it,” Alec says calmly.

Alec stands from where he was kneeling in front of him. He was kneeling? And he sits next to him.

“No one is meant to know, no one is supposed to be able to find it, no one…..it was sealed. This isn’t happening.” Magnus stutters out in a rush losing all the breath he had gained.

“So, it’s true then?” Alec asks cautiously.

“No,” Magnus blurts. “Well, I mean yes, but not all of it. They’ve” He chokes on his words. “They’ve got the wrong story.”

Alec watches him for a while and it only makes him angry. It’s like he’s waiting for him to explode or break. One of the two.

“I could really do with some answers, right now,” Alec says playing awkwardly with his fingers.

“And I will give them to you, I just need a few minutes to collect myself,” Magnus replies fighting the irritation in his voice.

“Of course,” Alec places his hand on his shoulder and Magnus flinches back, standing up brusquely. “Hey,” Alec says standing as well. Could he just sit, all he wants is some room to breathe? “I’m just confused, okay. Wouldn’t you be if your phone is being bombarded with messages and notifications saying your husband killed his father?”

Magnus can’t take it anymore and snaps, taking it out on completely the wrong person, but he’s the only one here right now. “My worst nightmare is being played out in front of the entire world right now, Alec. So yes, I get that you may be confused but my whole world just got turned upside down. How the fuck am I meant to come back from this? No matter what I will forever be known as the man who killed his father. No one is going to be able to look past that.” Magnus’ voice is raised, and he never raises his voice, he hates it, he hates the look on Alec’s face. He hates that he’s put him in this situation.

Alec steps closer. “Magnus please, I’m not trying to make this worse for you I just want to know what’s going on.”

Magnus starts pacing back and forth his mind not being able to settle. “I don’t know what to do, my mind, it won’t stop.” Bringing his hands up to his head. Hands on each temple he just wants to press pause for a second.

Alec takes his hands and brings them down leaving them in his. “Start by telling me,”

Magnus looks to his left where the cameraman is in the doorway. “But-“ Alec already knows what he was going to say cutting him off.

“I’ll get rid of them, okay. I’ll make sure it’s just us.” Magnus nods back thankfully and notices his breathing has started to go back to a normal rhythm.

Alec walks over and tells the man to leave but he doesn’t budge. “I told you to leave,” Alec says, this time with more aggression in his voice.

“You’re not authorized to tell me what to do.” Who did this guy think he was?

“I don’t care what I’m authorized to do or what not to do. I asked you to leave.”

“And I told you no,” Magnus didn’t like where this was going. He saw Alec clench his fists at his side turning his knuckles white.

“Don’t you think Magnus deserves some privacy after what has just happened? Or do you have no respect for the people around you.” Alec quips back.

The smug look on the camera mans face is starting to aggravate Magnus now too.

“I’m paid to do a job and that is to film you two.”

Magnus didn’t know it was possible to see someone’s hands go so white, he could see the veins in Alec’s hands.

Luckily before it got out of hand Sebastian shows up.

“Is there an issue here?” Magnus felt like rolling his eyes as if it wasn’t obvious there clearly was.

“I want him to leave so Magnus and I can talk in private after what has happened today,” Alec replies.

“I see,” Sebastian says back looking at the other man. “Victor lets give them some space.”

“But,”

“No buts, it’s the least we can give them after today's news. Come on.” The man now known as Victor leaves and Alec has a look on his face that says ‘don’t let the door hit you on the way out’ which pulls a tiny smile out of Magnus.

Sebastian brings his attention back to Alec and himself. “Alec,” He pauses looking at Magnus. “Magnus, we will give you as much time as you need.”

“That’s greatly appreciated. Thank you, Sebastian.” Alec replies before shutting the door when he turns away.

They both take off their mics.

“Alec, I’m so sorry,” And he’s on the verge of tears.

“Don’t be sorry, just please,” Alec starts, and he sounds so exhausted. “Tell me what the hell is happening, so I can understand a bit better.”

This wasn’t fair to him, and Magnus couldn’t comprehend how he was going to fix this media storm, but maybe starting with Alec would help. He knew it would be hard. Going back to a place in his life he’s tried so hard to forget, not even his friends knew of this. But now his demons were facing him head on and he had no choice but to take them on, hoping and praying he came out the other side unscathed, and maybe if he was lucky Alec would still be here.

“Sit,” Magnus gestures to the bed. They do.

Magnus takes a deep breath and tries to block off his emotions but he’s already failing.

“It’s true,” Two words that can do so much harm because it is true. “I killed my step-father.” A cold shiver run’s down his spine as the eyes of the man who raised him comes into the forefront of his mind.

He catches Alec’s furrowed brows in his peripheral vision but refuses to look at him head-on, too afraid of what he might see staring back at him.

“But it’s not as simple as that, so I have to tell you everything.” He finds himself looking for another deep breath but doesn’t find one. “My mother did die when I was 3, that part is true, and she was in a car accident, but so was I. I was in the back seat.”

He barely remembers her, a few flashes of her smile, or her laugh. When he was little he used to dream of her coming home and taking him out for ice cream like she always would every Saturday after dinner. They were only dreams, but he would cling to those images of her face and hold them to his heart.

“I don’t remember much of that day, a few gory images but that’s it. I was only 3. All I knew was that she was gone. Forever, and,” He paused swallowing back the lump in his throat. “And my step-father never let me forget it.”

Magnus jumped at the hand on his back, his nerves a mess right now.

“Sorry,” Alec apologizes. “I didn’t mean to startle you. I just wanted to say if it’s too much we can stop for a second.”

“No,” Magnus shook his head. If he didn’t do this now he never would. “I need to keep going.”

“Okay,” Alec doesn’t remove his hand from his back.

“My step-father blamed me for what happened to my mother.” Magnus paused clenching eyes tight hating how small and fragile retelling this story made him feel. “At first it started with words, snide remarks, which I could take. But then he started to drink a lot. That’s when things got really bad.” Sometimes he thinks back to those days and wonders why he never ran away.

“He started to use any excuse to hit me. Whether it be a low grade in school or not putting the dishes away, but I was only 7 years old, of course, I was going to make mistakes. I was still learning.” Magnus feels a single tear run down his face. He didn’t realize his eyes had started to gloss over with tears. Pushing them back he continued.

“Magnus,” Alec says but Magnus ignores it.

“It’d been 5 years since my mother passed, and he came home drunk on the anniversary of her death. He pulled me from my room and he was crying, but he was also yelling. ‘it should’ve been you’ ‘you killed her’. Everything that happened next was a blur.”

“Magnus, we can stop this is clearly not something you’re ready to talk about.” He would never be ready to talk about it, but he had no other option.

Pushing forward he continued ignoring the rapid pulse of his heart and his sweaty palms on his pants.

“He grabbed me and pulled me towards the bathroom where I could hear the bath running, and it was like every fear I had of him killing me was coming true. I was terrified.” He could feel his hands trembling, so he held on tighter to his legs.

“This is why when we went snorkeling you-“

“Yes,” He answered quickly.

“He tried to—”

“Yes,” He didn’t want to hear the words out loud, not yet.

He couldn’t breathe then, and he couldn’t breathe now. Except for this time, he wasn’t submerged under water. “I was struggling to get free before my mind went blank. I kicked my feet out from under me and they caught on his legs tripping him up.” He still remembers the relief he felt as he came up for air. He was coughing and spluttering, but he was alive.

“When I got free I was going to run, I wasn’t going to wait for round two, but as I got up and saw him laying on the ground lifeless I knew it was over. He snapped his neck on the edge of the bathtub, and to this day I feel like a monster for my first thought being ‘it’s over’ I didn’t mean to kill him, but I was just so relieved I could breathe again.”

“You can’t feel guilty for that, he was going to kill you. I would have thought the same as you. It was self-defense. It wasn’t your fault. Neither of them was.” Alec reaches for his hand, but he doesn’t want anyone to touch him, not with the amount of self-loathing he was feeling right now.

“Maybe with him it was self-defense, and maybe with my mother, it wasn’t my fault.” Magnus pauses staring at his hands. “But if it weren’t for me neither of those horrible things would have happened,”

Alec stands before him crouching down in front of him. “Hey, don’t say that you can’t know that for certain. This isn’t on you.”

“It is on me, okay,” Magnus snaps. “And now it's out there in the public eye for everyone to see just how awful I am. That wherever I go, bad things happen. I knew doing this show was a bad idea. I should’ve left when I had the chance.”

“Stop it, that’s not true. We will find out who leaked it and we will sort it out, okay.” Alec pauses everything going silent. “And for what it’s worth I’m glad you didn’t leave because I found you.”

Magnus let a horrible cold laugh leave his mouth something so not him it made him hate himself. “Yeah me, a killer,” he says standing up and stepping past Alec. “A nobody, someone nobody would want.”

Alec’s not far behind him. “Hey, don’t.”

“Don’t what!?” Magnus turns around so now they’re facing each other. “Don’t tell you the truth? Don’t show you who I really am? Do us both a favor and leave me. I don’t want to drag you through this mess.” Magnus was obliterating his own heart with his words but seeing the pain in Alec’s eyes was worse.

“I’m not going to do that.”

“Why not!?” and he hates the way his voice breaks on the last word. “Leave,”

“No,” Alec steps closer and reaches for his hand and this time Magnus lets him. “Remember?” He says his beautiful eyes still so sincere. “Not letting go.”

“But, what if I want you to?” He doesn’t want him to, it’s the last thing he wants.

“I don’t think you do,” Alec says. “But, look you can try and push me away and maybe, just maybe, one day it will work. But for now, I am not going anywhere.”

And just like that, every piece of him is falling into Alec’s arms.

He’d never had anyone fight for him quite like this.

Feeling the warmth from Alec’s arms surround him he rests his head on his shoulder. “I don’t want to put you through this, you don’t deserve it.”

Alec tilts his head and kisses him on the temple. “Neither do you,” and maybe deep down he believes that. And maybe that’s why when the tears come he doesn’t fight them.

“We will get through this, together.”

“You really mean that, don’t you?”

Alec holds him tighter. “I do,”

Eventually, Alec convinces him to lay down for a bit helping him get into bed and pulling up the blanket.

“I’ll be back shortly.”

 

 

 

* * *

 

Before Alec could leave Magnus kept hold of his hand. “What is it?” Alec asks.

“Thank you,”

Alec smiles down at him taking in those beautiful rich eyes laced with sadness. It hurts him to see something so devastating in those eyes. Magnus didn’t deserve any of what happened to him.

 What happens next makes Alec take a step back quickly as Magnus leans up trying to kiss him.

Magnus looks embarrassed and Alec hates that. “Sorry,” Magnus says burrowing back down in the blankets

“Magnus, it’s not that I don’t want to it’s just, not like this.” He had all his fingers crossed Magnus wouldn’t take this the wrong way.

“I get it,” Magnus replies but Alec can’t see his face.

All Alec wants to do is sit next to him and run his fingers through his hair, but he needs to talk to Sebastian so, quietly he leaves the room hoping Magnus gets some rest. Alec certainly wasn’t far behind him.

As he was expecting Sebastian and Victor were waiting in the living room. He quickly sent Victor a look making sure he knows not to enter their bedroom.

“Things sounded pretty heated in there for a little, everything okay?” Alec knew Sebastian didn’t care out of concern but out of curiosity and for the show.

Alec sat down on the couch and prepared himself for the hard conversation that was about to happen. He knew there would be these sort of interviews when coming on the show he just didn’t expect things to go this wrong and now everything the show did just felt very invasive.

“Not really considering,” Alec cocked an eyebrow. “But he’s okay for now. That article that was posted it absolute bullshit, I hope you know that.”

“We do now, but Alec, you must realize this sort of publicity isn’t what I’d call good.” Sure, maybe it was bad but it's not like it wouldn’t bring new viewers to the show spiking the ratings.

“I get that, and I want to fix this all for him. Whoever leaked this wasn’t thinking about Magnus and how it would affect him, they clearly work for the show.” Alec let the last bit slip, but he didn’t regret it. Whoever did this must’ve been working for the show or someone was paid off big time.

Sebastian was taken back in surprise, offended. “No, no one would do that I can assure you.”

“No, you can’t, not really.” Alec stopped himself before he lost his head. “Anyway, that can wait for later. Right now, I just want to know what our options are to fix this.”

“Right, of course.” Sebastian and his fancy English accent started. “Do you think Magnus would ever speak up and clear up the story being told?”

“Maybe, I don’t know,” He didn’t want to speak for him, plus seeing the way he reacted by just telling him raised some red flags around this idea. “I don’t want to put pressure on him. What he told me isn’t exactly easy to tell everyone. I can’t even imagine what he is going through right now.”

Sebastian nods trying to look sympathetic, but it doesn’t really work. “My heart breaks for him it really does, but,” There’s always a but “You have to understand that the big producers aren’t happy and if he refuses to speak out it could result in him being taken off the show.” There’s an awkward pause. “And they would most likely try to bring someone different on for you.”

Alec’s heart dropped at the mere thought of that and the fact that Sebastian thinks he would leave him so easily makes his blood run hot.

“You’re kidding, right? If Magnus leaves so do I, I’m not abandoning him when he needs someone by his side right now.”

“Alec,” Sebastian starts but Alec doesn’t let him.

“No! Fuck you if you think I would do that to him. I don’t want or need someone else.”

“He didn’t even want to be here in the first place, do you even know how he got on the show?” Alec stopped confused but shook it off not wanting to play these mind games with him.

“You trying to convince me to let him go, won’t work.” Why was everyone testing him today, he was barely keeping it together.

“I’m, you know what never mind, pretend I didn’t say anything. I’ll talk to my bosses and see what I can do.”

Alec can’t be here anymore. There are too many people in small rooms expecting too much of him he needs to escape, he needs fresh air.

Getting up and grabbing his phone, he quickly ducks into the bedroom to make sure Magnus is okay, but he hasn’t moved so he leaves.

He leaves the apartment and walks. He just keeps walking. Walking until he can breathe, until he can see clearly.

He finds a quiet reserve and sits at the nearest seat. His heart hasn’t stopped racing since they left the plane earlier. It feels like they’ve been home for days, but it’s only been a mere couple of hours.

He needed to talk to someone. Someone who will listen and tell him everything will be okay. Pulling up the contact he pressed call and they picked up on the second ring and when she spoke he felt everything hit him.

“Hey sweetie, everything okay?” Had she not seen the mess on the news?

“Mum,” He said surprised at how small his voice sounded now that he was allowing himself to be vulnerable. “Everything’s a mess.”

“So, it’s true? What the media is saying.” She asked attentively.

“No, no it’s not.” He sighs and when did he get a headache? “It’s all twisted, you can’t believe the media.”

“Okay,” She says, “I believe you,” Like it’s the easiest thing she’s ever done. “You’ve spoken with Magnus?”

“Yes, he told me everything when we got him but I – Mum, everything is a mess, it’s all so much. Not even just Magnus, the producers, the media, the apartment….. I just don’t know what to do.”

“Hey, baby slow down.” She says calmingly. “Breathe.”

“Where’s Magnus?” She asks.

“Back at the apartment, shit I should probably go back, he’s all alone.”

“Alec, no.”

“What?” He asks taken back. “Why?”

“You clearly needed some time to yourself and you’re going to take it. You’re not going to be any use to anyone if you can’t breathe.” She was right, yet it didn’t change the fact that the wanted to go back.

“But,”

“No, Magnus is an adult and I’m sure very resilient, you have to trust that he’ll be okay.” She makes it sound so easy.

“I’m worried about him, Mum,” He pauses, “And is it selfish of me to be worried about how it will affect our relationship as well?”

“Of course, you’re worried about him, and darling no it’s not selfish to be worried about that. You clearly care a lot about him and you just don’t want to lose him. It’s normal.” She pauses, and he can hear the smile in her voice when she says, “Tell me about the good times, how was your honeymoon?”

Alec smiles properly for the first time that night. “Our honeymoon was overall really great, it was awkward to start off with but once we got comfortable with each other it was smooth sailing from there.”

“He’s great, mum. You’ll love him. He’s smart, witty, funny. I even willingly danced on the beach with him,” He laughs feeling giddy at the memory.

“You? Alexander Gideon Lightwood danced?” She laughs back.

“Yes, yes I know.” He rolls his eyes. “Twice in one week.”

“I like him already.” She teases back.

“So, you’re not still mad I did the experiment without consulting you first?” He asks sheepish but with a smile on his face.

“I still have my doubts but it’s clear that you care about Magnus and all I want is for you to find someone who cares about you as much as you care for them.”

“Thanks, Mum.” He replies. “As much as I love talking about this I still have this bomb back at home. How am I meant to deal with this?”

“All can do is offer advice, and that is to make sure you two stick together, the last thing you need is the media seeing you both separated or angry at each other they’ll cling to it and make the story worse. Don’t’ let him push you away, be his strength when he is losing his. Make sure the truth comes out one way or another.”

“Why does it sound so easy when you say it,” He sighs. “Thanks, you know you give pretty good advice.”

“Of course, I do, I’m your mother. But you know deep down I didn’t tell you anything you didn’t already know.”

Sometimes all you need is a little pep talk from your mother. “Now, regroup and go be the most amazing man I know you are.”

All he wants is to hug her right now. “Thank you, Mum. I miss you.”

“Anytime sweetheart. I miss you too.”

Hanging up he heard a rustle from the garden and a flash. Fuck.

He can already see the headline.

_Alec Lightwood is seen looking distraught after news of his husband's past crimes come to light._

He and Magnus would prove them wrong.

 

 

* * *

 

When the pain gets too much you lock yourself away, you close yourself off from all the aching in your chest knowing if you let it in it would consume you. So you cling to the last strand holding you together. Holding you from falling into a place no one really likes to go but is the only place they find relief.

Right now, Magnus was there. His mind turning but his body numb, lost. He felt like the 7-year-old boy all over again, the only thing holding him somewhat together was Alec. Alec and his kind words full of support.

His brain was scrambling trying to think of ways this could have come out but the only explanation he could grasp was that someone saw an opportunity to humiliate him and took it. Someone went to all that effort to pay off a cop for his sealed files and blast them everywhere.

The worst part of all of this was that Alec was now involved. And he could tell Magnus all he wants that he was okay with it and that he wasn’t going anywhere but Magnus knew that somewhere deep down there had to be a part of him that just wanted to leave, and he wouldn’t blame him, not one bit.

He heard him leave earlier and he wouldn’t be surprised if Alec never walked through that door ever again. It saddened him that this was his expectation of people. That he’d lost the ability to trust fully. That no matter what he’d always be looking over his shoulder waiting for the next bomb to drop no matter how much reassurance one gave him.

The last thing Magnus ever wanted to be in his life was a burden. He was a burden to his stepfather for years and now he was being a burden to Alec. He knew how this would end, and it probably wouldn’t be pretty, but even when he begged Alec to leave he wouldn’t, and Magnus still doesn’t know why.

Scrunching his eyes closed he tried to make his mind go blank, but nothing ever works.

The door opens and in walks, Alec, and Magnus could almost cry because he came back.

“You’re awake,” Alec says walking into the room and sitting on his side of the bed.

“Haven’t slept,” Magnus replies.

Magnus sees the concern flicker through Alec’s eyes.

“Do you want some food? Water?”

Magnus shakes his head.

Alec considers him with a disapproving look and Magnus sighs. “I’m fine really, I just want to rest.”

“Fine,”

Alec removes his shoes and Magnus catches the red around his eyes as he leans back a little to pull them off.

“You’ve been crying.” He says sitting up.

Alec looks away quickly. “What? No, I uh just went for a walk in the garden, allergies.”

Magnus didn’t believe him. Not one bit. He’d stressed Alec out so much to the point of making him cry. Guilt lashes at his chest.

“I’m sorry,” Magnus sighs letting everything hang in those words because he really is sorry, for everything.

“Hey, it’s not your fault,” Alec answers shuffling closer.

“That’s the thing, it is. The way I’m acting now isn’t fair to you, putting you through the mud with the media isn’t fair to you, none of this is fair to you.”

“That may be the case but it’s not fair to you either. I know that you think this is all your fault, but it’s not. You didn’t choose your stepfather, let alone your own father or mother. You didn’t force him to try and drown you. None of that is your fault. And what is happening now isn’t your fault and I would be an asshole to blame it on you.”

Magnus was so taken back by his reply he had no idea what to say. “I would get it though if you wanted to be an asshole.” He says sheepishly with a tiny grin on his face.

Alec rolls his eyes and lets out an exasperated chuckle and thankfully he doesn’t get the chance to reply as a knock sounds at the door and he leaves to go answer it.

He could hear Alec’s and someone else’s muffled voices behind the door guessing it was Sebastian.

Alec was back quickly after and changed into some sweatpants and a loose tee, He threw Magnus his Lightwood t-shirt and Magnus didn’t hesitate to put it on.

Alec gets into bed next to him and Magnus asks. “What was that about, out there?”

Alec sits back against the headboard.

“Earlier I asked Sebastian what we should do,”

“And? Does he have some miracle idea where this all just goes away, and everyone forgets? Like men in black.” Alec chuckles and Magnus takes that as one win for today.

“Unfortunately, not. He said the best we could do would be to go on live television and tell your side of the story or do a pre-recorded interview that they would air.”

Magnus felt his stomach drop. Having his childhood fears put out there on display was one thing but facing the public was another. Something he wasn’t sure he could do. “What if no one believes me?”

“I believe you.”

“Alexander, I don’t know if I can do it – not live tv.” Alec beckons him closer and Magnus lets him, finding comfort in his arms.

“Then we do the pre-recorded interview.”

“We?” Magnus asks looking up at him.

“Of course,” Alec smiles – tenderly caressing the side of his face and Magnus’ heart warms. “I’ll be right by your side the whole time.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know your thoughts :) 
> 
> I'm on twitter @banesarchangel


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you want to live-tweet on twitter use the hashtag #LMLTL :) 
> 
> It's finally here, hope it was worth the wait.

It’d been a week since the news broke. A long treacherous week full of nightmares and uneasy days. He preferred days to nights, there was a lot more to distract himself with than at night time. Nighttime it was just Alec’s snores and his mind. He hated his mind.

Magnus hadn’t left the apartment, he hadn’t even been near the windows, too nervous to see what was going on outside. Inside was safe, inside was calm, inside was Alec.

He’d not been motivated to put makeup on or do his hair. He stayed in the room most of the day sleeping off his sleepless nights. He tried to avoid the cameras in their apartment when he could but being in such a limited space it was hard. It’s like he was trapping himself in this little box, but the box felt safe. The box was his protection.

The masochist in him continued to read the articles. Every new headline-making him never want to see the light of day ever again. The lies, the rumours, the dumb tabloids. There was one picture he couldn’t get out of his head. It was one of Alec last week after he left. He had his head in his hands while on the phone to someone.

The headline read _Alec Lightwood not coping after News of his tv husband surfaces_

Some of his other favourites were _Will Alec leave him?_

_ Alec Lightwood deserves better  _

_ Every unknown fact about what went down _

That one pissed him off the most. They didn’t know shit. He was about to throw his phone against the wall when Alec’s voice startled him.

“That’s not going to help you know.”

“Jesus,” Magnus cursed.

“I’ve been called worse.”

“Did you want something?” Magnus asked his heart still jittery from the scare. He was always on edge now.

“Yeah as a matter of fact I do. I want you, out there for breakfast.” Alec pauses briefly, shrugging. “Or lunch, I guess.” Magnus didn’t have much of an appetite these days. Or well that’s what he told Alec, really, he just didn’t want to be in the front of the camera.

Alec walked over, looking a little too pleased with himself and reached for Magnus’ phone. “Turn that off, those articles aren’t helping, or true.” Magnus sighs rolling over letting the childishness in him escape.

“I’m not taking no for answer.” Alec puts his phone out of reach. “I made waffles and I don’t want to see the camera crew eat them all because you didn’t.” Magnus lay there contemplating.

“C’ mon do you really want Victor getting any of those chocolate chip waffles.” Alec and he both hated Victor.

Magnus pulled his head up suddenly alert. “Did you say chocolate chip?”

Alec smiled with a wink. “Your favourite no?”

“How did you know?”

“A little birdy told me.” Alec has this gleam in his eye like he was excited about something. Gods know what?

Magnus rolled over swinging his legs down. “Fine, you’ve convinced me.” He grabbed his Adidas sweats and his new favourite t-shirt. Alec’s, Lightwood t-shirt had slowly migrated to his draws, Alec hadn’t complained yet so there it shall stay. He found the smell of it intoxicating. A rich woody scent with just the right amount of citrus notes making him feel wrapped up in the suns warmth. Or maybe that was just how Alec made him feel.

Combing his fingers through his hair trying to look halfway presentable he followed Alec out into the living room.

The smell that was emanating from the kitchen was divine his stomach growled in anticipation, Alec had outdone himself. When he reached the kitchen and saw who was sitting at the table, all the food in the world became secondary.

“Hey,” Maia smiled, tears in her eyes.

“We’ve missed you,” Clary added across the table.

“Get over here,” Maia laughed while her voice choked up.

Alec gave him comfort, but his friends, the people he’d known for years, nothing felt as welcoming and sheltering as falling into their arms and hugging them for eternity. Like he was squeezing out all the pain.

“Cutting...circulation.” Clary choked, but she was over-exaggerating, or was she?

“Sorry, sorry. I’ve just missed you both so much.” He didn’t want to let them go.

“I’ll leave you all to it,” Alec spoke like he was admiring the scene in front of him.

Magnus whirled around. Alec had planned this, for him. “Wait, you should stay.”

Alec shook his head. “No, it’s okay, you have some time with your friends. I’m meeting up with Simon and Isabelle anyway.”

Magnus gestures to the girls that he’s going to walk Alec to the door. He really wants Alec to stay but he knows he’s won’t.

“Thank you,” Magnus says as they reach the door.

“Don’t thank me, I just wanted to cheer you up.” When Alec spoke sometimes Magnus would catch a sparkle in his eye, and he was falling for that sparkle. He was falling for that sparkle and so much more.

“You made all that food, are you sure you don’t want to stay?” Feeling guilty that his husband is leaving after making all that food.

Alec nods sure of himself. “I’m okay, I need some fresh air anyway.” He smiles at him. “Save me a waffle?”

Magnus nods back. “See you later?” he asks hating how unsure his voice is.

Alec leans forward gently kissing him on the temple in the most delicate way it feels like a feather brushing against his skin. “See you later.” Alec gives his hand a squeeze before opening the door, “Have fun,”

Fun seemed like a foreign concept these days.

Magnus makes his way back to the kitchen sitting at the table finding Maia and Clary both smiling at him like dorks. “What?” He asks.

Maia smirks. “Looks like you got prince charming after all.”

Feeling his heart go warm he sits in the chair opposite them, sighing in content. “Yeah, he’s pretty amazing. I’m just waiting for the day I screw up too far beyond repair.” Maia threw a piece of her waffle that smelt amazing by the way at him and he couldn’t help but think it was a waste of an innocent waffle. “Don’t waste food,” Magnus mumbled.

“Don’t be a pessimist.” Maia retorted.

“It’s hard not to be with, you know.” Magnus gestured to all the cameras around them. The atmosphere in the room instantly fell, it was like a change in temperature, it didn’t feel like the sun was shining anymore.

He could tell both Maia and Clary felt uncomfortable with the subject they clearly needed to talk about.

Magnus started for them. “You’re probably wondering why I never told you guys?”

Clary spoke first. “No, not really. I mean it’s your business from when you were younger, we just don’t want you to feel like we are judging you for it. We know things aren’t so black and white, especially with the media.”

“You didn’t think we would treat you differently because of it did you?” Maia added.

“No. of course not, well actually I lie. I was scared you would both hate me.” Clary moved to scoot out of her seat and walking over to the other side beside Magnus. Her soft eyes showing such sincerity. “We would never hate you, you hear me?”

“Good, because I don’t know if I could handle losing you two.”

Maia smiles at him across the table. “We aren’t going anywhere.” She paused humming around a piece of waffle in her mouth. “Especially when your significant other cooks like this. Breakfast at the Lightwood-Banes in the future methinks.” Magnus didn’t admit it but hearing that out loud made his heart skip faster. Not because he was scared of it but because it excited him.

“Honestly I keep learning new things about him and they’re all good things, there’s not a bad bone in his body.” Magnus is still waiting for the other shoe to drop with Alec, but it never comes.

“Tell us about him, you both seem to be hitting it off?” Clary asked like an excited child next to him. She always was a hopeless romantic.

“Yeah, he’s great but I’m sure he’s growing tired of me being a hot mess.”

Maia scoffed loudly startling Magnus, “Yeah right, the dudes smitten with you.”

“You think so?” Magnus asked wearily.

“Not just anyone would invite your best friends around and make them breakfast to try and cheer you up.” He guessed she had a point.

“You have any pictures of your honeymoon?” Clary asked.

“A couple.” He pulled out his phone and showed them both a couple of selfies he managed to wrangle out of Alec. There was one that was special to him, he’d been contemplating making it his lock screen on his phone, but his self-doubt always got in the way.

“He took me to this place called the Sea of Stars. It was the most beautiful place I’ve ever been to.” He still remembers the way his heart had never felt so light that night, he remembers the smell of the sea at their backs, the fragrant musky cologne on Alec’s neck as he rested his head on his shoulder slowly swaying to the faint music in the background. The soft sand beneath his feet as he slid them back and forth. The sweet sound of Alec’s laugh filling his heart with pure joy.

He must have zoned out because when he came back to Maia and Clary were both looking at him knowingly. “Seems like someone is smitten back huh?”

Magnus tried to hide his smile, but it was near impossible. “Maybe,”

“I’m happy you’ve found a good one,” Maia smiled back, with genuine care in her eyes.

“I should be thanking you both for it even though we were drunk, and it wasn’t the normal way to go about it, you still got me on the show.” Magnus took a bite of the waffles and tried not to swoon as they melted in his mouth the sweet taste of chocolate chip’s taking over his senses.

“I mean if this works out I will gladly take all the credit.” Maia voiced smug, and Magnus rolled his eyes. “That’s a pretty big if.”

Clary hit him on the shoulder. “Stop that!”

“What? If I don’t push him away, the media attention sure will.” Magnus shrugged taking a sip of coffee. Thankfully it was still warm.

“He’s still, here right? Give him more credit.” Maia scolded him, and she was right he needed to stop this way of thinking it got him nowhere. Nowhere good anyway.

Magnus sighed sliding out of his seat and heading to the bench to pour himself more coffee.

“Well that’s new,” Maia said loud enough for him to hear from the bench. “You get that at a store?” Magnus turned around wondering what she was talking about catching her smirk. Magnus send back a quizzing look?

“That t-shirt, I mean call me crazy, but I didn’t know they sold those in stores.” Maia was so smug it was infuriating

Embarrassing as it was he couldn’t help feeling shy. “It’s Alec’s, he didn’t really give it to me I more or less just claimed it and now he just lets me keep it.” He played with his bottom lip feeling very exposed. “It’s comfy,” He shrugged trying to brush off how attached he had become to the t-shirt.

“I bet Alec likes seeing you in it, that’s why he’s let you keep it.” Clary beamed.

“More like is too nice to say no.”

Maia swung her arm ready to throw more food at him.

“Don’t!” Magnus yelled while also shielding his face. “Waste any more of that waffle,”

“Stop saying stupid things then and I wouldn’t have to.” Maia sent him a pointed look.

“Fine,” He groaned making his way back to the table. As he did, the door opened and Magnus almost got excited at the prospect that it was Alec. It wasn’t, it was Sebastian.

“Hey Seb,” Magnus greeted him.

Sebastian smiled back. “How are you doing today?”

“I’m alright, it’s nice having my friends here.” Magnus paused smiling at them. “Have you met?” He asked not sure.

“We have I was just leaving for a meeting when they arrived. You are enjoying yourself, girls?” Clary nodded back her easy-going smile, but Maia’s was forced which made Magnus want to ask why.

“I’ll leave you to it.”

“Hey,” Magnus nudged her foot under the table. “What was that about?”

Feigning innocence Maia said, “What was what about?”

“That, with Sebastian. It looked like you didn’t like him.”

“You saw that fake smile then?” Maia pulled a face as in to say whoops.

“Yeah, what’s up with that?”

Maia shrugged nonchalantly.

He nudged her foot again. “Tell me,”

“I don’t know I just get a bad vibe from him. He seems sleazy and slimy, I just don’t trust him,”

Magnus considered her words carefully. “Huh, he’s always been so nice, but I guess you can never truly know a person, especially in this business.”

“Just be careful okay, don’t let them push you too far,” Maia replied with a serious tone. Magnus nodded back now feeling a little more uneasy.

Maia and Clary stayed for another hour, but just before they left Alec arrived back and Magnus stood up to greet him with a kiss on the cheek.

“Hey,” Alec replied sounding a little stressed which immediately send off alarm bells in Magnus’ head.

“Hey,” Magnus frowned, “You okay?”

“Uh,” Alec paused looking to the girls and smiling forcefully before looking back to Magnus. “We will talk later,” Okay well that definitely didn’t help his state of mind.

Alec moved past him leaving Magnus in a state of disarray, but he couldn’t let them know.

“Hey,” He says to Maia and Clary. “I hope the food was alright?”

“Better than alright,” Clary smiled at him like she was admiring him, god she could be embarrassing.

“I’ll for sure be accepting many more invites at a later stage,” Maia added.

The smile on Alec’s face made Magnus forget his previous woes.

“I’m happy to hear that.”

“Maybe you could stay next time and we can chat some more?” Magnus wondered what it would be like to have Alec get along with his friends. Realistically it’s what everyone wants. And he was no different.

Alec took a bite of the cold waffle sitting on Magnus’ plate and munched on it happily.

“Hey,” Magnus protested. “I was going to eat that later,”

“But I asked you to save me one,” Alec replies unapologetically.

“Yeah, you did and they’re in the microwave.”

“Oh well we can halve it later,” He stood up from his seat and walked past Magnus but stopped to peck him on the cheek first, whispering a sweet sorry in his ear, that, don’t tell anyone, but it made him shiver and all was forgiven. And once again the girls were sending him knowing looks. They could see right through him and see that he was indeed completely smitten with the man.

They both stood up from the table walking over where Magnus was standing. “We better head off now,” Maia smiled and then turned her attention to Alec. “Thanks for the food, Alec,” Clary did the same.

They all said their goodbyes and then it was just he and Alec.

 

 

* * *

 

Alec was starting to clean up, filling up the sink with soapy water for the dishes when Magnus came beside him and pushed him aside with his hip. “Hey!” He protested.

“You cooked, I’ll clean,” Magnus said as he bent down and put on some gloves that were stored beneath the sink.

In all honesty, Alec thought Magnus would have gone back to their room after his friends left but he was pleasantly surprised to see him still out here and happier than he had been in a long time. Its annoyed Alec that he has to put an end to that so quickly, but it was unavoidable, they had to talk about the elephant in the room sooner or later.

But it could wait another few minutes.

“I don’t mind helping, it can be a team effort.” Alec grabbed the tea towel which was hungover the oven door. “You clean, I’ll dry. Deal?”

Magnus groaned like it was an effort, but he was smiling, jokingly. “Fine,”

Alec jumped back when Magnus flicked his fingers wetting him. “Careful,” Alec teased. “You may be challenging me to an all-out war.” Alec stepped up beside him. “I have had a lot of practice with my sister, Izzy.”

“Oh really?” Magnus replied with a twinkle in his eye and a tone that said bring it on. “I seem to have the advantage here.” He added quickly before flicking some more in Alec’s face.

Flinching Alec pursed his lips together composing himself acting like he wasn’t bothered and when Magnus had his guard down he slid up beside him and plunged his hand in the water flicking Magnus’ face.

Magnus’ face was priceless, Alec had to step back he was laughing so much.

Silence fell eventually, and Alec thought maybe he had gone too far, but then Magnus made his move flicking water in Alec’s face as he ran past him to the microwave.

Oh, hell no, not his waffle.

“If you touch that I’ll never make you any, ever again.” Alec wiped the drops of water off his face and chased Magnus until he was reaching for the microwave door.

Magnus turned around smirking like a Cheshire cat. “So, there’s such thing as a recipe, you know.”

This was the most ridiculous they’d been since they started this journey, but he was loving every second of it, and seeing Magnus with actual joy in his eyes; he wanted this moment to last forever.

“Not this one, this is a special recipe.”

“We’ll see about that,” Magnus was about turn back around but Alec reached for his hands holding them against the surface of the bench

Somehow their faces had ended up inches apart.

“That’s cheating,” Magnus said his voice out of balance, kind of like how Alec’s heart was feeling right now.

“I’m just evening the playing field after you splashed me in the face,” Alec bit back his smile.

“I was just evening _my_ playing field, you have longer legs.” This made Alec chuckle under his breath. He was so close to Magnus he could just dip down slightly and know what it feels like to kiss him, but instead, he said, “You’re ridiculous.”

For the sake of the mess they were making in the kitchen and the sake of his dear waffle he unclasped his hand from Magnus’ offering him a handshake. “Truce?”

There was a split second where he thought Magnus was going to go to trick him, but he held his hand out and accepted Alec’s. “Truce,” he paused, a gleam in his eyes. “For now,”

Alec’s mind was all over the place right now but at the forefront of that mess was the recurring thought; he wanted to kiss him. He wanted to kiss him so excruciatingly bad.

He would have, but Magnus broke the moment slipping out from in front of him clearing his throat. “We should uh, these dishes won’t clean themselves.”

It was such a dramatic change that it felt like whiplash. “Yeah, right.”

 

.......

 

They finished the dishes and made themselves comfy on the couch. The moment from earlier may have dwindled but Magnus was still out here with him, so he wasn’t complaining.

“Alec,” Magnus started.

Alec turned his head in his direction, they were both situated on the opposite ends of the couch.

“Earlier, you said there was something we would talk about, what was it?”

They’d had such a nice evening he didn’t want to ruin it with this, but he didn’t have a choice. Reaching for the remote he paused the movie that was playing and cleared his throat.

“Yeah, we do need to talk.” He hated how ominous he sounded. “When I was out I got a call; I guess maybe they tried to ring you, but you didn’t answer,”

Magnus looked restless. “Okay, can you just tell me already, the wait is stressing me out.”

So, Alec just came out and said it. “They’ve booked an interview,” He paused before landing the final blow. “For tomorrow night.”

“Tomorrow night,” Magnus repeated like he was trying to wrap his head around it.

Alec stayed quiet not really knowing what the right thing was to say, it was more an issue of letting Magnus process this at his own pace. Standing up and pacing back and forth Magnus shook his head like the thoughts were cluttering his brain. “Why such short notice?”

Alec shrugged, “Maybe it was the only time available?”

“Fuck,” Magnus swore, and Alec could see him getting further inside his head getting lost in the chaos.

Standing up and stopping Magnus in his path he said. “Hey, calm down, everything will be okay.”

“Don’t say that you can’t know that for sure.”

Alec sighed feeling a tight knot form in his chest. “You’re right, but we knew this was coming. This is the last hurdle, once we are over it, it will all calm down.”

Magnus’ head fell on to Alec’s shoulder, leaning all his weight there. "Will it though?”

They would never know for sure, but he had to stay positive it was the only way he could keep them both together. “I sure hope so,” He said not wanting to give Magnus any false promises.

“I hope you’re ready to give me a lot of pep talks.” Magnus moved in closer slotting his head just above his shoulder almost like they were hugging.

Alec placed the palm of his hand onto Magnus’ back. “I’ll give you as many as you want.”

 

 

* * *

 

Alec was sleeping soundly next to him, his deep breathing being all Magnus could hear in their room, that, and the million other thoughts circling his brain.

A decent night’s sleep was all he wanted. Growing more and more frustrated by the fact that he couldn’t, it seemed to make it worse. He’d work himself up to the point where he just wanted to cry, but he’d cried himself to sleep too many times before when he was younger.

He reverted to puffing his pillow thinking maybe if it felt comfier he would miraculously fall into a deep sleep. He tried counting in 3’s but he only got to 21 before his brain got sidetracked again.

It was like his mind was concocting every bad scenario anyone could possibly think of for tomorrow. And when he did finally close his eyes the little sleep he did get was plagued with these dreams that felt too real that when he woke up his chest had tightened making him feel on edge.

Deciding nothing was going to work he got up and went to the bathroom leaving a peaceful Alec in his wake. Oh, how he envied him right now. The last thing he wanted was dark circles and big bags under his eyes for the interview tomorrow, but the universe had a funny way of screwing him over whenever it had the chance.

Even though he hadn’t slept he still cringed from the light in the bathroom, his eyes screaming from exhaustion and overexposure.

Walking to the sink he plugged the hole and filled it with water, watching the water fill the basin he zoned out watching the ripples it would make. The sound of the water running taking him back to that night, the night where fear overtook him and never left.

Startled, blinking twice he quickly turned off the tap as the sink almost overflowed.

Bending down and cupping the warm water in his hands; splashing it gently on his face rubbing his hands in circular motions. He did that again and again until the warm water had turned cold.

Taking a dry hand towel from the rack he wiped down his face quickly before quietly leaving the bathroom and making his way back to bed.

Entering the bedroom from the bathroom he caught a glimpse of Alec moving around looking for his phone? Magnus wasn’t sure.

“Sorry, did I wake you?” He asked apologetically. Alec looked stressed but it all fell away when he saw Magnus. “What’s wrong?”

Alec let a sigh of relief leave his body as he relaxed against the pillows on the bed. “I thought you’d left.”

Magnus frowned at him. “Why would I leave? I was in the bathroom; did you not see the light?”

Alec shook his head. “You can’t see the light when the doors closed, sorry I just panicked.”

Magnus came back over to their bed and shuffled back in hating the way his body responded to the cold sheets like it knew he needed to sleep but he wasn’t going to get any.

“You really thought I would leave like that, in the middle of the night?” Magnus asked almost to hurt by the accusation.

“I don’t know what I thought.” Alec paused rolling over and covering them both with the cover. “We don’t really know each other that well yet, I still don’t know what to expect from you.”

He guessed that was fair, but to think he would just run away like that he didn’t know what to think about that.

“I thought maybe tomorrow was too much for you and you decided to leave, and I don’t want you to leave, I like you and I want to help you through this and get to know you better, I’m sorry if I offended you, I was just really scared.” Alec apologized while reaching for his hand under the covers.

The contrast of Alec’s warm hand against his cold fingers held a strong representation of what was happening between them now.

With every day that went by, Alec’s warm calm soul was slowly but surely wrapping itself around him, giving him the warmth, he’d craved for so many years but had never let in. The sun was finally shining and instead of closing the curtain he was opening it back up.

“I’m sorry,” Alec whispered again giving Magnus’ fingers a gentle squeeze.

“It’s okay,” Magnus rolled over, so they were facing each other. “I get where you were coming from.” Through the darkness, Magnus could still make out the small smile on Alec’s lips.

“You want to talk about tomorrow? Might help you sleep?” Alec asked his voice kind.

Magnus shook his head. “Just need a distraction.” He sighed.

Alec pulled their still joined hands up and rested them between them, he let his hand go but didn’t stop touching him as he traced his finger along and around his hand. “How you are feeling about home visits?”

Magnus thought he heard his back sigh at the mention of home and his own bed. This bed was okay, but it wasn’t helping in the sleep department. His back had never felt so stiff. “I can’t wait to just be in my own space again, and my own bed.” He sighed dreamily.

“You have a sore back?” Alec queried with an adorable frown between his eyebrows.

“Only a little,” He lied not wanting to seem like he was constantly complaining.

Alec sat up quickly startling Magnus. “Roll on to your stomach,” He said insistently.

“Why?”

“I’ll give you a back massage.” He replied.

Magnus’ heart leapt a mile. “Do you even know how to give one?” Alec looked offended which only made him laugh.

“It can’t be that hard,” Alec exclaimed. “You’ll be my first massage and you can tell me if I should pursue it as a career or not.”

Magnus wasn’t going to object especially if Alec was good with those long fingers of his.

Rolling on to his back he felt Alec move just to the side of him, glad he didn’t just plop himself on top of him. As much as they were making progress he didn’t think they were that comfortable with each other. Plus, that position could get all sorts of awkward very fast.

Alec had soft fingers, softer than he would have initially imagined and he had to fight a low groan from escaping him as Alec started rubbing small circles into his shoulder with his thumb. God, it was heavenly. Alec could definitely do this as a career, but Magnus was feeling selfish and wanted to keep him all for himself.

As he moved down massaging along his spine he thought he might actually melt into the mattress. “So good,” he mumbled.

After a minute or two of more silence, Magnus said. “I’m kind of scared about your home visits.”

Alec stopped briefly, and Magnus regretted trying to start a conversation, but luckily, for the sake of an old man’s back, he started massaging again and everything was okay. “Don’t be scared, they’ll all be welcoming I’m sure.”

“They won’t judge me for you know, this?” Magnus replied meaning this mess with the media.

“I don’t think they will, I spoke with my mum a few days ago and she was really understanding, and Izzy, well she won’t even care, and Aline well she might grill you a little bit but that’s just her protective side,” Alec said while moving his fingers down further to the dimples in his back where all the tension was really sitting. It felt so good he thought he might cry.

“What did your parents think about you coming on this show in the first place?” Magnus was curious to know the answer as he didn’t really have anyone to disagree with him on this like Alec did his parents.

“My dad I think stopped taking notice of what I say when I quit working for him and my mum, well she was a little standoffish with the idea initially and maybe still is but ultimately I think she just wants what is best for me and when I talked to her I told her how much I liked you and she seemed okay with that, she’s opening herself up to more things these days.”

Magnus could feel his eyes drooping. “And Aline, she’s your best friend?”

“She is,” Alec stopped and lay down next to him. “Sorry, my hands are a little sore.”

“Don’t apologize, thank you that was actually really good.”

Alec laughed. “You sound surprised?”

Guilty as charged. “I was a little yeah.”

“Career worthy?” He asked.

Magnus shook his head and laughed at how offended Alec looked. “These hands,” He reached for them. “I want them all to myself.” Which wiped that frown right off Alec’s face and he fell back laughing. Magnus still wasn’t over how beautiful his laugh was.

“I see, fair enough, they shall remain yours, and only yours.” They settled back down.

“How long have you known Aline?” Magnus asked referencing to their earlier conversation.

They were facing each other again as Alec had gotten back under the covers.

“Ages, we were in high school together, we even came out together.” Alec smiled, he must miss his friends. “She’s married now they have the cutest little daughter named Evie, they were all at the wedding, but I don’t know if you met them?”

Guilt rushed his heart. He was such a mess at their wedding, it was such a blur he couldn’t remember who was who. “There were a lot of people that day I couldn’t tell you.” He laughed awkwardly.

Alec didn’t look offended by that. “That’s okay, you’ll get a chance to meet them again next week I’m sure.”

“I have a lot of smoothing over to do,” Magnus murmured gazing down towards the sheets.

Alec tilted Magnus’ chin up with his finger. “They only want what is best for me and if they can see how much I like you than I don’t think they will have a problem.”

Magnus blushed under Alec’s firm gaze. “I like you too,”

“Magnus,” Alec brushed his thumb across his cheek and suddenly his heart kicked up a beat. “Can I kiss you?” He bit his lip nervously nodding back.

The space between them didn’t last long as they both moved to tilt their heads, so they didn’t knock each other, there was a faint whisper of Alec’s breath on his lips and then he was kissing him.

Alec’s lips were so soft as he kept kissing him, and Magnus kissed back with fire in his belly, it was like an explosion in the pit of his stomach making all his blood run hot. Like molten lava running through his veins.

Magnus had experienced many kisses in his life, but none would ever come close to the way Alec kissed him now, like he was the only thing in the world, like he couldn’t get enough of him as his arms wrapped around his back pulling him impossibly closer.

He couldn’t catch his breath as the kiss grew longer, making his head dizzy, but by god, he didn’t want to stop.

Sadly, Alec must have been struggling for air too as he pulled back laboured breaths escaping his lungs.

Neither of them said anything, they didn’t need too. They just looked at each other taking in the others smile and shine in their eyes. They both knew what it meant to the other.

Alec shuffled closer pulling Magnus over with his arm and letting him rest his head on his broad shoulder. Nothing was on his mind now except the after-effects of that mind-blowing kiss. And soon enough he fell asleep in Alec’s arms.

 

* * *

 

 

Magnus’ head was pounding. An unforgiving stress headache having overtaken him this morning the minute he woke up. He wanted to just focus on that amazing kiss he and Alec shared last night but that wasn’t possible with the camera crew and interviewer setting up in the living room.

Pacing back and forth he tried to calm himself, but now that he thinks about it, he thinks he’s just winding himself up more. His nerves were shot, feeling unbelievably jittery.  

Alec walked up behind him sliding his arms around his waist making his heart jump. “Anyone told you, you look good in a suit?”

“No?” Magnus huffed. “I don’t know,” Normally he would love Alec’s arms around him like this but right now it was just making him claustrophobic.

Alec stepped back and made his way around to face him looking defeated, “Well that didn’t work as a distraction.”

“Sorry,” Magnus sighed puffing out air, he just wanted this to be over.

Alec looked at him with all the tenderness in his eyes. “You’ve got this,”

Magnus fell against Alec’s shoulder. “No, I don’t.” Alec kissed his head, making Magnus want to melt into his embrace, but he didn’t.

That was when they called him in getting ready to film.

He went to walk away but Alec was still holding his hand, Magnus stopped and turned to look at him waiting.

Alec simply leaned down a couple of inches kissing him quickly on the lips and smiling at him giving him all the strength to do this. “See you out there.”

 

……..

 

“We have Magnus Bane here with us tonight to answer a few questions about some recent affairs.” The interviewer started.

Magnus tried not to show his nerves, but couldn’t help playing with his fingers, he guessed it was better than biting his lip.

They’d called him in separately and would call Alec in shortly.

The interviewer seemed friendly enough, but this was only the beginning and he knew there was bound to be some hard questions thrown his way.

“How are you doing tonight?” She asked.

How did she think he was doing? He had to force his eyes to stay firmly in place and not do a full 360 inside his head.

Reaching for a glass of water to soothe his dry throat he replied. “As to be expected.” He awkwardly smiled back. “Not the most comfortable situation I’ve been in.”

She laughed. Why did she laugh? “Of course, well, I just want to thank you for agreeing to do this interview with us, its time we get some answers yes?” Magnus bit his tongue. He didn’t owe any of these people answers, he was only doing this for Alec because he didn’t want to see his name dragged through the mud. Magnus politely smiled back.

“And I believe we are being joined by your lovely partner, Alec Lightwood.” She grinned only too eager to have another person on the couch across from her. Okay, maybe Magnus hated her.

Alec made his appearance, tall and handsome in a slim fit suit, he was one attractive man. He sidled up next to him on the couch smiling at him, kissing him on the cheek. “Hey,” he whispered reaching for Magnus’ fidgety hands.

“So lovely to have you with us tonight, in a show of support for Magnus,”

“Of course, I’d be here,” he gave his hand a squeeze.

“Things must be progressing well between you both then?” She added.

With his other hand, Magnus started playing with his pant seam. He’d let Alec answer this one.

Alec waited for a beat and then nodded back, “They are,” Short and sweet.

“Currently on TV your honeymoon is airing so you both must have come along way since then, it looked a little rocky in the beginning?” Wasn’t she meant to be asking questions about his father not this?

Magnus piped up. “It was a little rocky and I take full blame for that, I don’t trust easily and was overwhelmed by the whole situation. Honestly, I can’t believe Alec stayed, but I’m glad he did,” He brushed his thumb along their clasped hands.

“I’m glad I did too,” Alec looked at him with softness in his eyes.

The interviewer seemed surprised by that. “So, when the news of Magnus’ childhood came out you weren’t shocked?”

Alec frowned and Magnus could see his defences going up. “Of course, I was shocked, but I’ve learnt to never trust the media fully, or ever. He deserved his chance to explain.”

“What was your first thought when he told you?” She asked.

“It was a lot to take in but if anything, it made me understand him more and the way he works, Magnus doesn’t have a bad bone in his body.” Alec readjusted his sitting position straightening his back, he’d clearly not been expecting to be questioned so much.

The interviewer still had many more lined up as she fired them off. “What did your family think about it?” Magnus raised his eyebrows at that she definitely was trying to get all the dirt.

“They trust me and my decision to stay with Magnus,” Alec retorted. Magnus wished he’d just done this on his own, this wasn’t fair on Alec.

She smiled at Alec’s attempt to answer the question without answering the actual question.

“Do you think you can make it through all this? The media attention won’t get too much?” Why was she trying to get Alec to say he didn’t want this, it’s like she was trying to steer him into slipping up and saying something she could twist.

Alec pursed his lips clearly containing himself. “I’m not going to let the media get between us.” Magnus tried not to focus on how he didn’t really answer if they would make it out of this together. It was probably what she wanted, to stir up these feelings in him, she wouldn’t let her have it.

“That’s very admirable.” She smiled and god it sounded so fake. “Magnus,” she started. “I guess we should begin.”

Magnus nodded eagerly, keen to get this over with.

“What do you have to say for the report going around that you killed your stepfather?”

He knew this was coming he was prepared for it, wasn’t he? Taking a deep breath, he centred himself. “Firstly, this was a sealed record and whoever got it must have broken the law, but none of you cares about that breach in my privacy, so here we are,” He saw Alec smirk beside him a proud glint in his eyes. “I was 8 years old, not a teenager like the media is claiming. My stepfather was abusive and unstable. He took out his frustrations on me, especially after my mother died in a car accident and I survived it. He blamed me for that day and never let me forget it.” He paused squeezing Alec’s hand to ground him. “What happened that day was an accident, I was just trying to survive.” And Alec squeezed back.

“How does an 8-year-old manage an accident like that?” She asked her eyes wide with intrigue.

“When his stepfather is trying to drown him in a bathtub,” The room fell silent, you would be able to hear a pin drop. Judging by the look on the interviewer’s face, she wasn’t expecting that. “Yes, I know,” Magnus continued. “Magazine articles told you otherwise and made me the villain, but this is the truth, I was abused by my stepfather and he tried to kill me when he was intoxicated beyond clarity. It’s our instinct to fight for our lives, so I did. I kicked and tried my best to get free. I kicked his legs and he fell, and well you know the rest.”

She looked to be gathering her thoughts before her next question. “I’m sorry you had to go through that at such a young age, that must have been hard for you, did you ever find the help you needed?”

Magnus shook his head. “No, I was a scared child who was trying to find his feet. I couldn’t comprehend what was going on, I didn’t know what asking for help meant back then. I felt trapped.” He paused looking back at the years he’d struggled as a teen. “And when I got older, I thought I was too far gone to come back from it, there were times where I would think about just ending it all, I was in such a bad place mentally. If it weren’t for my two best friends I met not long after I don’t think I would be here today.” As he spoke everyone listened, for the first time everyone was listening.

“But I am, and I’m here and I’m proud of myself for making it this far. I know I still have a long way to go and this may be a setback but I’m healing one day at a time. A lot of people expect it to be gone in one day, but trauma doesn’t work that way. It takes time, so I just want to say to anyone who’s watching and may be dealing with something, be gentle on yourself, don’t put pressure on yourself to be okay right away, take one day at a time and look back at how far you’ve come and not how far you have to go. I for one have to remember this a lot as things can get tough and I forget to look on the bright side.” Magnus let a heavy sigh go and with it some pressure that had been suffocating his lungs for the last week.

Alec was smiling at him, but it was more than just a smile, it was pride. He was proud to be next to him right now, to be with him. If it weren’t for this man next to him, he doesn’t know if he would be here today on this couch saying what he just said. His emotions taking over he leaned over kissing him on the lips, because he could, because this man was with him, and had made it apparent he didn’t plan on going anywhere anytime soon.

“You’re an admirable man, Magnus I’m sure many people will look up to you once this has aired.” Spoke the interviewer. “Thank you for sharing your story with us tonight, I know it must have been hard.”

Magnus smiled pleasantly back.

“I do have one last question.”

“Go for it.”

“What made you both give the show a shot?” She asked.

Alec started first. “My sister kept telling me about it and to give it a shot. I kept telling her no until one night I was thinking about it and thought why not. It’s a terrifying thing coming into this but I’m happy I did.”

“You look happy,” She said. “And, Magnus?”

“My friends brought it up, it was sort of a blur, to be honest, but I’m here.” There was still a bit of guilt underlying in Magnus’ chest. He knew his reasons and how he got on the show weren’t great. But Alec would never find out and he didn’t need to find out because things were different now. Who cares if it started out as a dare. He thought he would find no one, but instead, he found someone. Someone worth holding on to.

“I really wish you both the best, you look very cute together.” She smiled at them before turning back to the camera. “Well, there you have it, the truth straight from Magnus’ mouth. Now let’s enjoy to see how this story unfolds between these two gentlemen.” Someone yelled cut and Magnus felt like he could breathe again.

Alec whispered at his side. “I knew you would do well, I’m proud of you.” He was proud of himself too.

Now that it was over, all he wanted to do was relax, properly, and enjoy the rest of the time with Alec, and give this relationship a real go and show him he was here for him and only him.

Maybe for once, everything would turn out great.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm finally updating *cries* I don't know if anyone is still reading this but if you are, sorry for the wait I hit a bit of a slump. If you do read, please enjoy <3

Magnus was glad to be out of the small apartment the tv show had provided for them to stay in, it was too small for his liking, it held bad memories and he wanted to leave those there especially because this week he’d be spending time at Alec’s apartment. Not only would they be in his apartment, but they would be meeting up with Alec’s family and closest friends. The pressure he felt was insurmountable, but Alec was good at assuring him every time he got stuck in his head that everything would be fine. Magnus took that at face value if the last few weeks were anything to go by.

Walking into Alec’s apartment that afternoon felt strange, it was yet another foreign place he didn’t feel at home, or well, not yet. He was trying to have a more positive outlook on this experience, if not for himself but for Alec. He deserved better, Magnus wanted to be that for him, it was taking time, but he was getting there.

“So, what you think?” Alec said while he walked past him taking some of their bags into, he guessed was Alec’s bedroom.

“It’s nice.” He said sounding unsure which wasn’t his intention. It wasn’t that Alec’s apartment wasn’t nice, it was. It was simple but in an elegant, classy way, very well thought out if that even was a way to describe someone’s way of living. Most things were simple but then in each room, there was something beautiful, like it had been crafted by hand to be the centrepiece of the room.

Like in the kitchen there were the most stunning gold handles on the cupboard doors he had ever seen, the doors a pale blue-grey with a white benchtop. Alec had taste, which oddly made him more attractive.

When Alec came back from the bedroom, he was wearing an adorable frown. “Nice?” His brows creased further. “Why did you say it like that?”

“God, no not in a bad way I just, I don’t know, am surprised. That’s all.”

Alec stepped closer. “What? That I have taste?” He paused. A cheeky grin. “I thought that was obvious, I mean just look at my husband.”

God, Magnus could actually feel himself blush. Alec was good at making him feel like a shy teenager while around him.

Shoving Alec’s shoulder as he got closer Magnus stepped to the side taking in his living and dining. “I didn’t expect you to have impeccable taste, no.”

Magnus could feel Alec step up behind him.

“I’m not sure whether I should be offended or not.”

“Definitely not offended.”

“You wanna know a secret?” Alec whispered lowering his chin on Magnus's shoulder.

Shivers ran down his spine. Gulping, “Sure.”

“This was my sisters’ apartment before it was mine, she designed it a couple of years ago, but she’s recently moved in with her boyfriend, so I offered to lease it from her.”

“Oh, that makes more sense.”

Alec removed his chin hastily, Magnus missed the warmth.

“Again, am I meant to be offended or?”

Magnus turned around stepping closer to his wounded looking husband so he could circle his arms around his neck. Looking up at him he smiled, eyes soft he puckered his lips.

Alec laughed, “What you think you can just kiss me and make it all better?”

Magnus hid his smile by biting his lower lip, nodding.

Bending his neck just slightly Alec nudged his nose with his, “You’d be right.”

Magnus had kissed many people before and after the first kiss no kiss was ever as good, unless their name was Alec Lightwood, that with every kiss he could feel his heart jump wanting to find its way to Alec’s, to somehow fuse them together, like they were meant to be together. It was scary but exhilarating which made him kiss back harder. If he could he would use up the rest of the hours in the day kissing the man.

Alec reluctantly pulled back looking around at the camera in their face, what Magnus would do for just a couple hours alone with him. “We should go, don’t want to be late for dinner.”

Magnus pulled himself from their bubble. “You’re right, I need the best impression I can get after the last couple weeks.” He mused.

“Hey,” Alec frowned. “They don’t care about that stuff.” Magnus didn’t believe him; how could they not care about how all of this has affected their son? “Trust me, yeah?”

He’d been doing that lately and it hadn’t backfired yet, at this point he may even be so far gone he would follow Alec into a burning building. In a way, it felt like that. There was every chance he came out of this night burnt, scorched from the rejection from Alec’s family, but it was best not to think about what if.

Magnus reached for Alec’s hand intertwining their fingers before smiling up at him. “Let’s go.” And the smile he gained in return made the nerves swirling in his belly ease slightly. Enough to follow Alec into the unknown.

* * *

Pulling up the drive Magnus could feel his nerves vibrating beneath his skin, Alec’s parent's house was incredibly grand, double doors meeting you as they drove up the drive. If he was honest it only added to the growing pool of doubt that these people would like him. He felt intimidated before he even stepped out of the car.

Heaving a deep sigh, he followed Alec’s lead getting out of the car, this was really happening.

Normally he wasn’t the self-conscious kind if anything some would say he was great with strangers, that he could command a room with his smile and wit, but that was before. Before the world found out his secret before he was always worried everyone was judging him. Fearing Alec’s family rejection, the most, because even though he came into this thinking it was just some game, thinking he could leave when he grew bored. He’d never been so wrong. The man that was now holding his hand swinging between them, meant more to him then he cared to say out loud and a lot was riding on what his parents thought of him. Whether they believed his story or the media, he was about to find out.

Stopping short of the door he tried to gather his breath. Alec turned around his thoughts written all over his face, before he could voice those thoughts Magnus said, “I’m okay,” Seeping through gritted teeth. Somehow that must have passed as genuine as Alec turned back around and creaked the door open, making Magnus’ heart jump wanting to scream _No, I’m not okay,_ but instead, he followed Alec.

“We’re here,” Alec sing-sung, a loud squeal following making Magnus startle. Alec looked back sending him an apologetic with a hint of amusement smile.

A young woman he remembered as Isabelle, Alec’s younger sister made her way to her brother in a blink of an eye and had her arms wrapped tightly around him. There were little whispers Magnus couldn’t really make out other than a soft “I’ve missed you so much.” It was sweet to see, such a strong bond between siblings.

Izzy pulled back eyeing Magnus, “C’mere,” a little thread of tension in his chest eased. She enveloped her arms around him pulling him in tight, whispering, “It’s so good to see you again.”

“Okay, okay, that’s enough,” Alec pulled her off, looking slightly pinker than he was a second ago. “I need to introduce him to everyone else.” He had met some of them before, like Izzy, he also knew he wouldn’t have remembered some of their names.

“Fine, but I’ll steal him later,”

Alec rolled his eyes reaching for his hand again. They turned the corner and he was greeted with countless other faces. Bolting out the door seemed like a fun idea right now.

Alec introduced him to his brother, Jace, Simon, his friend also Izzy's boyfriend. Aline and Helen and their daughter Evie. Evie’s beaming smile warmed his heart. And finally, there was his mother, Maryse. From what he remembers at the wedding, Alec’s parents were quite standoffish with him, he hoped it wouldn’t be such a chilly reception this time.

Maryse pulled her son close hugging him so contently a sharp pain tugged at Magnus’ heart.

He’d dreamt so many times, holding his mother in his arms like this and never letting go, clinging to her for dear life, but he always woke up, arms empty, heart hollow.

Maryse eyed him after letting Alec go and a shiver of uneasiness swam through him, _please go well, please go well_ he pleaded to no one but himself.

“Magnus,” She said his name with such a tender softness it threw him.

Swallowing the lump that had lodged itself in his throat, he said, “Mrs Lightwood.”

“Oh, please. That makes me sound so old. Call me Maryse.” Magnus returned the smile she was sharing with him. “You and me,” She squinted playfully at him. “Will talk later.” And then her smile returned.

Alec spoke next looking around the room. “Where’s dad?”

“I’m not sure sweetheart. I did text him to be here by 6:30, maybe he’s running a little late.” She offered.

Alec smiled tightly. “Maybe,”

Magnus came to his side linking his fingers with Alec’s murmuring in a low voice so only they could hear, “You okay?” Alec smiled down at him the little crease between his brows gone. He nodded. Judging by the vibe of the room, Magnus got the feeling Alec and his father didn’t get along.

“Okay,” Izzy broke the silence. “Now that all the introductions are over, Magnus, I’m stealing you.” She had a mischief gleam in her eye that worried him.

Reluctantly he let go of Alec’s hand, “You’ll be fine,” Alec whispered to him as he went, unsure whether to believe him.

 

* * *

His mother dragged him into the kitchen after Magnus was taken captive by Izzy and the others. “How was the drive?”

Giving all his attention to his mother, he smiled. It had been a long time since he’d actually seen her and not just heard her voice over the phone. And he must admit her reassuring hugs did wonders and were far better than her words over the phone.

“Good,” he paused. “A little tense,”

Her understanding gaze steadied him. “Help me prepare dinner? Like old times?”

Those were some of his fondest memories of his childhood with his mother. On the odd occasion that she was in town and here for dinner, she never missed the opportunity to pull Alec in the kitchen with her. At first, he thought she was just doing it so she could make sure Alec would feed his siblings when she was away, but he later realised, times when he didn’t want to, she was disappointed. It was her one way to spend some one on one time with her son. Earlier in his childhood and early teen years, he didn’t get to see his mother smile a lot. But when they were in the kitchen together, she was always content, happy.

He stepped up beside her at the bench, “Of course,” judging by the ingredients spread across the bench he knew exactly what his mother was making. Simple, but utterly divine. A nice chicken roast, the home-made gravy would always leave him wanting more. No matter how many times he had tried to recreate it, he had failed miserably every time.

As they prepped the food and stacked the trays for the oven, he couldn’t help but notice his mother was oddly quiet. At first, he thought it might be the cameras but then his mother wasn’t shy of cameras, being a famous lawyer, she had had her fair share of time in front of the cameras. Something else was bothering her, and it bothered him more that he didn’t know what.

Sliding the over tray stacked with, potatoes, pumpkin and various veges scattered with mixed herbs, he shut the oven door and stood up. “Right, what’s wrong mum?”

“Nothing dear,” She smiled, but Alec wasn’t buying it.

“You may be able to fool others with that smile, but not me.”

“Never could get anything past you, could I?” She squeezed his upper arm. Relenting she sighed, leaning back against the bench. “I just worry about you is all,”

Okay, that wasn’t what he was expecting. “Why?”

“Why?” She laughed as if it was obvious. “My baby boy is on tv every week, bad press following him everywhere he goes. I know how it can affect someone’s mental health. I worry about you.”

Alec’s heart sank, he hadn’t even thought about what this would be like for the ones close to him.

“But that said, I don’t want it to take away from how incredibly proud I am of you.” She was smiling now, and if he wasn’t mistaken there were tears in her eyes. “So many times, when you kids were growing up, I hated how I was away so much, I worried I wasn’t a good mother, that you would grow up misguided.” She reached for his hand. “But seeing you stand by Magnus, believing in him when no one else would.” She paused again her eyes focusing in on him. “You’re a good man, Alec.”

Well, shit. Now he wanted to cry, but he held the tears back and pulled his mother in for a warm hug.

“You’re okay, right?” He nodded but realised she couldn’t actually see him. “Yes, ma,”

“And if you ever aren’t, you know you can come to me, yeah?”

Alec squeezed her gently as his answer.

Finally, they pulled back from each other the warmth from his mother still swirling around his heart. “And he’s okay?” she cocked her head towards the lounge. “Magnus,”

“I can’t say for certain, but I think we are getting there.” He paused turning to look at the other 4 in the lounge. But his focus was mainly on Magnus. “You know I got a glimpse of the person he is on our honeymoon, it was short but enough to make me, my heart beat a little faster. Enough to know that we could have something special. But I think what really gets me is seeing how strong he is, the last couple of weeks, it would be enough to make anyone crumble, but he continues to get back up.” His mother was staring at him an unrecognisable look on her face, he’d never seen it before, and it unsettled him. She was smiling but he’d never seen such tenderness in her eyes before.

“What?”

“Nothing my dear, it’s just something special to see your son fall in love in front of your own eyes.”

Love? He wasn’t in love, was he? Not yet anyway, I mean he knew for certain he was on his way there, but in love? It had only been a few weeks, he’d never given his heart away that quickly, but then again, Magnus was different.

Before he got a chance to reply his father walked in. “Sorry I’m late, I was stuck in the office with a client.” Alec did not want to know what that meant. Alec smiled shortly at him.

“Well, dinners almost ready, you can take a seat in the lounge while you wait.” He mother said rather properly, but he could see the grit in her smile. Most of the time she couldn’t stand to be in a room with him after what he had done. But she was putting their differences aside for tonight.

He watched as his father sat down in one of the chairs opposite Magnus, and Izzy who were chatting, not even acknowledging him, he guessed he should go introduce them, but Izzy beat him to it. He prayed to whatever gods were listening that his father wouldn’t be a pompous ass just for one night.

 

* * *

So far, a night with the lightwoods was going well, everything was good, except for a cool breeze that entered the room. Alec’s father. He knew he and Alec had an estranged relationship, but Magnus could physically feel the room stiffen as he entered it. Izzy introduced him, as Robert made not attempt. It was hard to imagine Alec was from the same blood as this man, or better yet that any of them were. Alec was warm, inviting, kind, same as his siblings and mother. But this man he was cold and detached, hunched in the chair opposite them looking like he wanted to be anywhere but sitting in this room. Magnus bit his tongue and turned back to Izzy who with her smile and bright eyes wanted to get to know him.

Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Aline approach and an anxious tremor flew through him, everyone so far had been so welcoming. But Aline, she wasn’t giving anything away. She was currently holding Evie on her hip who at that moment decided she wanted down from her mother and made her self comfortable between him and Izzy.

“Hello,” Magnus smiled down at her.

“Hi, I’m Evie.” God, he could almost melt at her tiny voice. “Are you Uncle Alec’s new boyfriend?” Her innocent eyes looking up at him.

He looked to Aline, not sure how to answer, cause technically he was more than a boyfriend. Thankfully, Aline answered for him.

“Remember sweetie,” She said bending down to her daughters’ level. “Uncle Alec got married. This is Magnus, his husband.”

Magnus sent her a silent thank you. She smiled back.

“Oh yeah,” Evie beamed with such excitement his heart warmed. “You’re so lucky, you get to spend heaps of time with him.”

“I am?” Magnus chuckled.

“Yeah, uncle Alec is my favourite.”

“He’s my favourite too,” He said softly. “But I’m more than happy to share him with you.”

“Alright sweetie,” Aline said standing up. “Are you okay, to stay here with Izzy?” Evie nodded. Then Aline turned to him. “Want to go for a chat?”

Standing Magnus let her lead the way. They made their way out on to the veranda the sun starting to set behind them.

He let the silence hang dormant between them, she was intimidating, and he didn’t know where to start. Nonetheless, he tried. “I’m really glad we have an opportunity to meet again. The wedding, I was a ball of nerves and not really myself, so, it’s good to see you again.”

“Yes, I must admit actually talking to you in person and not just seeing you on a tv screen is a nice change.”

Groaning he threw his hands to cover his eyes. “Oh god, I haven’t been able to make myself watch. What they’re showing, it isn’t too bad is it?”

She paused adverting her gaze and wow did it make him nervous, dread filling his lungs. “Let’s just say they’ve shown a lot, but nothing you need to worry about, not so far anyway.”

He was dying to know what she thought of him, whether she liked him or thought him a fraud. She wasn’t giving anything away. Deciding to break the ice he took a different route. “Alec’s told me a lot about you.” He smiled.

This time she was the one groaning, her whole demeanour softening. “Good things only, I hope.”

Magnus chuckled. “A few stories from High School. People really used to think you both were dating?”

“Yeah, little did they know we were both hopelessly gay. Honestly, he was the worst wingman.” She laughed, Magnus, joining.

“I can imagine,” He said between breaths.

“You have close friends?” She asked, the laughter quietening.

“Oh yes, a few near and dear. You don’t want to hear those stories though.”

She squinted back at him a playful gleam to her eyes. “Another time, Bane.” That gave him hope, maybe she liked him.

She rested her clasped hands along the veranda railing, looking out towards the backyard that by no means was small. “You know, I do have to ask.” Magnus braced himself. “How are you two doing after,” She waved her hands in circular motions, “Everything.”

It was rare for people he didn’t know to care for his wellbeing. It was new, scary, but nice, warm. She could have very well just asked after Alec, but she included him in her question and that meant more to him than anything.

Leaning down next to her placing his hands adjacent to hers on the railing, he sighed, “It’s been hard. I feel like we haven’t really had a fair chance at,” He waved his hands. “At well this.”

“It’s been non-stop huh?”

“You could say that. Cameras every day, a new article a day, I can’t help but feel like Alec got the shit end of this deal.” No matter what anyone will ever tell him he will always feel guilty.

“I can tell that’s not what Alec thinks at all.”

“How do you know.”

“Firstly, I know Alec, sure, this predicament isn’t ideal for a relationship to start out with, but in a way,  it helps show your partner truly who you are through the tough times. You knew each other for not even a week and he still stuck by you. Even when he was given an out.” Magnus frowned, he was given an out? Aline must have caught the drop in his eyebrows. “You haven’t watched the show so you wouldn’t have seen.” She paused taking a deep breath. “Sebastian pulled Alec aside and said that if he wanted, they could pair him up with someone else, he wasn’t obligated to stay.” Magnus’ heart dropped thinking that if the roles were reversed back then, he wouldn’t have even hesitated, he would have gone. But that was before, before he knew this man, his husband, truly. His heart, his smile, his kind spirit. Now, now he’d stay.

He couldn’t fight the curiosity. “What’d he say?”

“Basically told Sebastian he could shove it, and that he wouldn’t abandon you.”

A new sensation buzzed through his chest and hit his heart in one swift blow causing his heart to hum, whatever it was made his throat swell with unshed tears, not sad, but overwhelmed, happy. No one had fought for him, not as Alec had, has.

“He has a big heart that guy, it’s a strength but also it’s his weakness.” She paused briefly. “He gives his heart away easily without abandon especially if you mean something to him. And I know right now I’m probably going to sound like the protective best friend, but I don’t mean it in a ‘hurt him, I hurt you type way’ I just don’t want to see him hurt.”

Magnus knew exactly what she meant, and it wasn’t something that was only on Aline’s mind, but it was on his constantly. The mere thought of hurting Alec, made his chest throb, leaving a bad taste in his mouth. It was a fear he worried might inevitably come true.

Life had a funny way of screwing him over, but he just didn’t want that to happen at Alec’s expense. He meant something to him, he felt something for him, he could feel it growing each day, something he hadn’t felt for anyone ever before. He’d had tastes of it, glimpses, but never had it been so strong. It was like the steady pulse under your thumb as you count the beats per minute. The air you breathe every second filling your lungs with life. Constant, and not going anywhere without a fight.

“That’s something we both have in common,” He voiced, quietly, but loud enough for her to hear.

“You make him happy, I can see that. You’re both good for each other I think.” He could hear the lightness in her voice, something he appreciated. He knew at least one of those things were true. Alec was the best thing to happen to him in years.

“I hope so,”

Aline just smiled at him, her brown eyes shining in the sun’s reflection. “I like you, Magnus, I think we will get along fine.”

Magnus laughed lightly, pretending to wipe sweat from his forehead. “Thank god, now I just have, his parents.”

“I wouldn’t worry too much, Maryse is lovely, especially since she divorced Robert.”

Magnus sighed. “Yeah, Maryse isn’t really the one I’m worried about.”

Aline sent him a sympathetic smile, her eyes telling him she knew exactly how he felt right now. “You’ll be fine,” He really hoped so.

“Hey, dinners ready you two,” Alec startled them from their conversation. He made his way out to the veranda slighting his arm around Magnus’ waist. “You’re not scaring my husband off, are you?” He teased, Aline.

“Not yet anyway,” She winked. “He seems like a good one.” She leant up kissing Alec on the cheek. “See you both inside.” Magnus smiled at her as she left and relaxed back into his husbands’ arms.

“What were you talking about?”

“You, mostly,” He felt Alec still behind him. “Nothing bad, or embarrassing yet, but I do look forward to those times.” He grinned turning in Alec’s arms to face him, catching himself breathless as the sun shone against his face, making his eyes a maze of different colours.

“Not if I have anything to say about it,” And to make sure he didn’t Magnus moved closer, his head tilted stopping Alec’s next words on his own lips, kissing him speechless. He couldn’t help the smile that grew tilting his head to rest against Alec’s

“What was that for?” Alec asked, his grin equally as wide as Magnus’.

Magnus wanted to say back a hundred things, ‘for not abandoning me when given the chance’ among them but decided to go with. “For being you,” There was something else etching its way to the surface he could feel it, wanting to say it, but it wasn’t time yet.

Alec kissed him back, harder this time almost like he was wanting to say the same thing he was.

“Oi, you two love birds, Maryse says to get in here or we are starting without you,” Simon shouted from the sliding door.

Reluctantly they pulled apart, reaching for the others hand. Before they made it inside Alec’s phone chimed with a message. Dread made its way up to his throat but was soon forgotten when he saw the smile on Alec’s face.

“What is it?” He asked.

Alec turned his phone to him. It was a message from Izzy, or well, a picture. The sun low and almost gone, the sky bright orange and florescent pink, and them in the middle of the frame, heads together smiling at one another. He got Alec to forward it to him.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, kudos, comments, twitter, thoughts are appreciated. 
> 
> Hope you all enjoyed. 
> 
> part 2 of meeting the lightwoods should be up soon.


	7. Chapter 7

 

Taking their seats at the table, Izzy and Simon were across from them, Jace to Izzy’s left. Helen and Aline on Alec’s left along with their daughter sitting between them. Which left his parents at opposite ends of the table. It was safer for everyone that way. They all ogled the food laid out in front of them. He would always love his mothers cooking.

Instinctively, Alec placed his hand on Magnus’ bouncing thigh under the table, he could practically feel the nerves coming off him. There was practically a spotlight on him now, or well, them, now that they were all sitting together.  

“This food looks incredible, Mrs Lightwood. Now I know where Alec gets it from.”

He saw his mother’s brows furrow at the proper name. “I thought we agreed on Maryse,” She scolded lightly. “As for Alec, well I taught him everything he knows.”

“Not everything,” He couldn’t help rolling his eyes. His mother quirked an unforgiving eyebrow true to their lightwood nature, “Fine,” Alec drawled, “Mostly everything.”

“Are you both gonna continue this competition or can we eat?” Jace asked.

“Of course, eat, enjoy.” His mother’s attention on him quickly vanishing as he watched her smile at everyone’s delight over the food.

“Mum used to make this for us whenever she was home for the weekend,” Izzy said as she scooped some roasted potatoes and vegetables on to her plate.

“Most kids would want takeout, but us,” Jace jumped in. “We wanted this.”

“Such flattery,” His mother chimed. “Perhaps I should have you, kids, over more often.”

“It’s even Evie approved.” Helen chuckled as she was watching her daughter munch down on some chicken.

“Yes, yes, enough about the food.” His father sighed. Of course, he had to be the one to kill the mood. “I want to ask Magnus here some questions.” Now he wants to? In front of everyone when he had every chance to before. Alec kept his hand atop Magnus’ thigh his thumb moving in reassuring strokes.

“Ask away?” Magnus sat up straighter. To anyone in the room, he would look unfazed, ready for whatever was coming his way, but Alec could see it in the way his shoulders tensed, and his chest stiffened. He was nervous. And honestly, so was Alec, his father was the only one he couldn’t predict how he was going to act.

“What do you do for a living? I don’t think you’ve mentioned it yet.”

“Oh,” He saw Magnus relax a fraction at the question. “I’m the manager at my local café in Brooklyn. It’s been a few years there actually.”

Alec didn’t know what he was looking for in his father’s expression when Magnus told him that, but the thing was he didn’t see anything like he wasn’t listening. He felt his frustration spike in his chest.

“Very well, do you know Alec was a lawyer at my firm,” His thoughts caught on the word ‘my’ he thought it was both his parents. Looking to his mother he could see it in her eyes, had he paid her out? His father continued. “But decided to leave because well, I’m not sure why. What're your thoughts on all that?”

Magnus looked to Alec unsure of what to do, Alec did his best to send him a reaffirming look telling him he could answer any way he wanted, he didn’t mind. Alec tried to hide his smile when Magnus placed his hand over his giving it a gentle squeeze where it was still firmly placed on his thigh.

“I think that if anyone isn’t enjoying the job they currently have, they have every right to explore new avenues, especially considering Alec is so young.”

“Yes,” His father said cutting a piece of meat. “Alec is young, and when you’re young you’re prone to make immature decisions.” The condescending tone making Alec hold his fork tighter. He wouldn’t make a scene.

“If you’re implying Alec is immature, I’m afraid your far from the truth.” Magnus bit back clearly going to Alec’s defence. He didn’t need to. Turning his hand over he linked their fingers under the table giving a gentle to squeeze to try and tell him to stop, it was okay.

“And what would you know?” His father replied his eyes enraged. “You’ve barely been with him over a month.”

“Apparently I know your son better in a month than you do in all his years.”

“Magnus,” Alec whispered at his side trying to get him to stop.

Magnus looked to him which managed to shake him out of his previous state realization flashing in his eyes at what he’d just said.

Alec looked to his father who had never looked angrier, whatever was coming next wasn’t going to be pretty.

Placing his utensils down his father composed himself looking unnaturally calm before saying, “Oh yes, and how well does my son know you? First, you lie to him about your past, and only because it got leaked did you tell him the truth. And even then, how do we know that it all isn’t a lie, that maybe that was your goal all along. To leak it, get attention, a quick rise to fame.” He didn’t stop there. “And how do we know that your reason for coming on to this show is pure and not misguided. How do we know this isn’t all one big lie, considering that when you first started, you could clearly see you didn’t want to be here.”

Magnus pulled his hand free of Alec’s harshly like holding his hand shocked him. The room fell unnervingly silent everyone waiting for what was going to happen next. Magnus slid his chair out, standing. Alec sat speechlessly. He should say something, defend him, be there for him, but he couldn’t, his mind was still processing everything his father said.

“I need the bathroom,” And Magnus left the room.

“Dad, what the fuck!” Jace was the first to speak.

“I only said what we were all thinking.” His father replied unfazed like he didn’t just tip Alec’s world upside down.

“I can assure you, you are the only asshole who was thinking that,” Aline scolded him.

“Could we refrain from using profanity, there are little ears around,” Helen looked to both her wife and Jace while covering little Evie’s ears.

“Alec,” Izzy’s voice came from across the table. “Are you okay?” Was he okay? Was Magnus okay?

“Alec?” Simon said when he didn’t reply.

“Huh?”

“Are you okay?” They asked again.

“I should-“

“Stay here,” Maryse said getting up from her seat. “As for you Robert, you’ve come into my house and have gone way too far. This was meant to be a lovely evening meeting the man our son has decided to marry. If your intentions in being here are ill-mannered I ask you to leave.”

Robert straightened his back in his seat. “I think I’ll stay.”

“Let me rephrase,” His mother stopped at his chair. “Get out or apologize to Magnus.”

“I will not apologize, not to someone like him.”

Alec stood up now the anger finally seeping through his veins. “Someone like him? What the hell is that supposed to mean?”

“Clearly the man is damaged beyond repair, I don’t think you should be with someone who brings you down.”

Alec’s ears were ringing. Grinding his teeth he composed himself. He wouldn’t rise to his fathers’ bait. “I’m not going to stand here and try to make you see that, that man, the one you just humiliated, makes me better in every way. Because no matter what I say you won’t believe let alone listen to it. So, if you don’t mind me. I’m going to see if my husband is okay.”

Alec stormed into the hallway hearing his mother say to his father. “You better be gone by the time I get back." she followed Alec into the hall. “Alec, sweetie.” She reached for his arm. “I know you want to go make sure he’s okay, but I think with everything that just happened, you both might take it out on your relationship. Just let me go talk to him first for a little.”

“Why would I try to take it out on us?”

“Your father said some pretty awful things, I can imagine they hit Magnus hard right where all his insecurities lie. And when that happens some people tend to not only believe them but feel like they’re a nuisance to the people around them.”

“He’s not a nuisance, he never will be, I need to tell him that, I don’t want him believing any of that.”

“I know darling, but you need to calm down first.” He knew she was right, but that didn’t change the fact that all he wanted to do was to go hold him.

“Okay,” he said on exhale trying to let all the stress out. Turning to leave he heard his mother ask the camera crew If they saw where Magnus went, and Alec couldn’t help thinking dryly that this would make good television.

Walking back into the dining room thankfully his father was gone, and he found he could breathe a little easier.

Suddenly the smallest person in the room ran to him her arms open wide for him to pick her up. Scooping her up he held her tight. “You okay, Uncle Alec?” She asked with her tiny head resting on his shoulder.

“I’m a little better now, don’t worry sweetie.”

She peered up at him her little eyes wide with concern, “You looked upset.”

“I’m okay,”

“And Magnus?” She asked her soft voice soothing the raging storm that was his chest. “I don’t know, we will see.”

“Can I hug him? Mummy says my hugs make everything better.” Alec chuckled lightly at that.

“Well, your mummy is right,” He kissed her forehead gently. “Maybe later when he comes back,”

“Did he leave?”

“No, no. He’s just talking with Maryse.” After that, it seemed she was done talking and nestled back against his shoulder.

Looking to the others around the table they all shared the same concern.

“You see him?” Jace asked.

Alec shook his head. “Mum wanted to talk to him first,” Every fibre of his being wanting to go find them, but he said he would wait. He trusted his mother’s opinion.

Sitting down at the table with Evie still clutched to him he waited.

* * *

 

Magnus couldn’t think straight; his ears were ringing his mind, numbing. He knew he just had to get out of this room.

The way Robert had looked at him when he was saying all that stuff it was like he knew something he didn’t. He saw in opening in Magnus’ resolve and he took it, finding every fragile part, every haunting insecurity, every doubt, every thought that ran through his head daily. He saw his weakness’ and preyed on them just like a lawyer would.

Passing all the cameras and ignoring Sebastian he went straight for whatever door he thought was the bathroom, luckily, he guessed right and didn’t end up in someone’s bedroom.

Closing the door behind him he leant his hand against it his brain roaring. He needed to just turn it off for a minute to collect his bearings. Would Alec believe everything he said? From what he could remember he didn’t think Alec had said anything. He didn’t know if that made him upset or annoyed or nothing. It wasn’t Alec’s battle, it was his. But still part of him wanted Alec to defend him, who wouldn’t?

Taking multiple deep breaths he managed to calm the brewing storm clouds inside his brain when suddenly there was a knock at the door. It could be anyone from Sebastian to Alec, to whoever else was in this house, he didn’t want to face any of them right now, but it would be rude not to open the door.

Seeing it was Maryse and not Alec, was strange. At first, he panicked but then he saw the concerned gaze in her eyes and his whole chest let go of a bundle of tightly wound air. “Hey, sorry about—”

“Do not apologize for something that was not your fault.” Maryse cut him off.

“I shouldn’t have left like that, it was rude of me.”

“You were not the rude one in that situation I can assure you.”

“Is Alec okay?”

She smiled softly. “He’s worried, he was on his way to see if you were okay when I stopped him, I hope you don’t mind.”

“I know it sounds bad, but I don’t know what I would even say to him right now.”

“I thought as much.” She reached for his hand. “Come, I have something to show you to take your mind off this whole shamble of a night.”

Magnus followed willingly.  They continued down the grand hall to the end room with double doors what he could only assume was her office. They walked in and the whole room just radiated success. Polished wooden floors, with a large black rug hugging the floor. The largest desk he had ever seen over by the window. A couch in the corner. A beautiful antique fireplace making the room feel inviting. Shelves and shelves of files, books, and other things to his left and right. It was incredible.

Maryse made her way to one of the shelves searching for something as she said. “I want you to know, none of us believes anything Robert said not a word of it.” None of it was true, he knew that. But he still felt guilty. He didn’t think he ever wouldn’t

Not to mention wondering if Alec ever found out that he had applied drunk and out of his mind because his friends dared him to. How would he react? Clearly, it was far from a dare now, he was in this, he was falling for Alec. But it still niggled away at his chest uncomfortably. The mere thought of losing Alec scared him more than joining this dumb show ever did.

Maryse came over with a pile of photo albums laying them down on her desk, “And Alec doesn’t believe any of it either.”

He smiled in return hoping that was still true.

 

* * *

Alec couldn’t take it anymore. It had been half an hour, his father was gone, his siblings and friends had done their best to calm him down, but he was still furious with himself and the way he reacted. Or better yet the way he didn’t react. He just sat speechless letting the man he’s falling for be obliterated by his father.

Evie was still sitting in his lap playing with the utensils on the table,

“Hey, munchkin I’m going to have to put you down now.” He said getting her attention.

She pouted, “Okay,”

“I’ll be back,” He chuckled softly ruffling her hair.

“Actually, we should probably get going miss,” Helen said standing from the table, Aline following.

“Nooooo,”

“Yes, missy, it’s passed your bedtime.”

“But Alec.”

Alec sat back feeling oddly special that a 3-year-old was fighting over him.

“You can see Alec, another time.”

She turned around looking at him with those big beams that were her eyes. “Tomorrow?”

Alec laughed. “Not tomorrow, but maybe Magnus and I could babysit sometime this week,” He peered up at her parents.

“Oh, we don’t have anything planned,”

“So, plan something.”

“Yeah, plan something,” Evie added.

Aline rolled her eyes, “Seriously miss where did you get that sass?”

Helen pursed her lips next to her, “I can think of one person.” She grinned at her wife’s scowl. Kissing her on the cheek quickly.

Alec stood up from his seat picking Evie up with him carrying her around to her parents. “Just think about it, yeah?”

“Okay, you don’t have to tell me twice.” Aline reached for her daughter. “You know other than that little spat at dinner, I enjoyed tonight,” She smiled. “Magnus seems like a good one.”

After what happened at dinner it was nice to feel reassured.

“You guys take care, okay, and drive safe,” He replied giving all three of them hugs goodbye.

“See ya,” They waved to the others around the table and left.

Alec stood looking at the others around the table. He hadn’t gotten to talk to them much tonight. It wasn’t how he had wanted this night to go.

“Alec,” Izzy spoke softly. “Don’t look so defeated,”

“It’s hard not to,”

“Why? The only person who came out of tonight looking like an idiot is our father, don’t sweat it,” It was easy for Jace to say that, but he didn’t know what the last few weeks had been like. He’d finally felt he and Magnus were getting back on track and now this.

“He’s right, Alec.” Simon was the one speaking now. “Right now I know it probably doesn’t feel so great, but hey, look, we are all still here,”

“And mum is with Magnus,” Izzy added. “probably doing her best to remedy the situation.” Alec knew they were all right but still.

“There was something about the way dad looked when he was saying it like he knew something none of us did, I can’t shake it.”

Izzy shuffled from her seat making her way to him. “He’s a lawyer that’s just his face, he’s good at his job. Ignore it.” She had a point. “Go check on your man and make sure mum isn’t holding him captive.”

Alec smiled at her, feeling more at ease now. He looked around the table again, at Simon and Jace. Thought back to Helen and Aline. Sweet Evie’s smiles. Everyone else liked Magnus, he wasn’t going to let one-person ruin that, especially when that person never had Alec’s best interests at heart.

He found Magnus and his mother tucked away in the corner of her office. Both sitting on the ottoman near the couch. Smiling to himself he entered, admiring how they seemed to be getting along laughing at something in a book. When Alec came closer, he discovered it wasn’t a book but his photo albums.

“Oh god, mum really?” he groaned grabbing their attention.

“Oh stop it, sweetheart, you were an adorable baby, your husband is allowed to see them,” His heart still jumped at that word _husband_ especially when his mother was saying it.

Alec walked closer eyeing the folder, “You could’ve at least opted for the non-embarrassing ones.”

Magnus looked up at him then, he didn’t know what he was expecting to see reflected in his eyes, but he sighed a breath of relief when he saw only happiness. “I don’t know, I quite like them,” He beamed. “Especially this one,” he chuckled pointing to the top left corner.

“Oh yes this one, I remember it vividly, Alec had just turned 3 and was quite into Spider-man, unfortunately, Izzy had just started walking and getting into all his toys and had stolen it,” His mother looked to him and then back to the page. “He never did grow out of that scowl though did he,” She laughed softly.

“Yes, I did!”

Magnus looks at him and scoots off the ottoman and meets Alec in the middle of the room. “No darling, you didn’t,” Kissing him on the check all his hard features dissolving in an instant, blushing at the affection in front of his mother. “I think the scowl rather adorable,” Magnus circled his arms around Alec’s waist looking up at him.

Alec couldn’t help tilting his head slightly smiling back at him, “Oh well I guess you could see more pictures if you wanted too,” He plays along acting shy wrapping his arm around Magnus’ shoulder holding him closer.

“You heard the man, get over here, Magnus,” His mother patted the spot next to her.

Magnus went to move but Alec held him still. Concern edging its way back into the forefront of his mind. Magnus stopped confused.

“You okay?” Alec asked.

Magnus’ features softened immediately his gaze shifting to his mother and back to Alec. “Perfect,” Magnus kissed him on the cheek again before quickly sliding away back to the photo albums.

If Magnus was okay, Alec was okay. Or well, that’s what he tried to tell himself. If everything was perfect? Why did it feel like putting a bandaid on a wound that needed stitches?

Shoving the uneasy feeling down he sat down next to Magnus spending the rest of the night hiding his face whenever they came across embarrassing pictures. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Please let me know if you liked it and if you wanna see more. Kudos and comments keep me going. 
> 
>  
> 
> I'm on twitter @banesarchangel


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